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stormkpr and her crazy prompts, right? Well, here's another one:
Serenity is passing through an area of space that is completely controlled by religious fundamentalists. They are appalled at the fact that unmarried men and women live together abroad Serenity and are demanding that everyone on the ship (except the Shephard) get married. If they don't comply, they will destroy the ship. Describe some highlights of the day.
And here's the result. More Crack!fic.
TITLE: Like a horse and carriage
AUTHOR: Angie
FEEDBACK: scotangelina@yahoo.com
DISTRIBUTION: Feel free to take this, just let me know where it's gone.
FANDOM: Firefly
PAIRING: Many unconventional pairings.
SUMMARY: See above prompt.
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: I’m not Joss.
WORD COUNT: 1,282
Jayne jogged along the gangway towards Inara’s shuttle. Even from a distance away, he could hear the voices: Mal’s low and mocking, Inara’s high and indignant. He slowed as he got nearer, unwilling to get in the middle of whatever they were arguing about this time. He raised his hand and rapped loudly on the door.
“Mal? Mal you’d better get out here. We got a mighty big problem.”
The door opened and Mal came out, Jayne moved to the side to avoid the flying vase that followed him, narrowly missing his head. Jayne’s eyes widened.
“What you been sayin’ to her this time? She don’t usually take to throwin’ her stuff at ya.”
Mal grinned in his usual, devil-may-care way.
“Oh, you know, whores and their mood-swings…never can tell how they’ll…OW!”
Inara’s aim was better with the candlestick which connected solidly with the back of Mal’s head. He rubbed the spot and glared back over his shoulder. He turned back to Jayne, still holding his head.
“You was sayin’ somethin’ about a problem?”
“Yeah. Best you come down and talk to the Shepherd. You too, ‘Nara.”
“I’m not going anywhere if he’s going to be there.” Inara’s voice drifted out of her shuttle.
“I’m tellin’ you. This ain’t no joke. We need everybody in the mess. Now.”
Inara and Mal exchanged glances. Jayne actually looked worried, and that was never reassuring. Inara rolled her eyes and swept past the two men, heading for the dining area. Mal watched her go, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown. Jayne had no time for lovers’ spats.
“Git movin’ Cap’n, we ain’t got a lotta time.”
*****
In the mess, Book was poring over an encyclopaedia when Mal and Jayne entered. Everyone else was already there, seated around the table. Inara pointedly looked away from Mal. Mal looked around the room at the serious faces.
“So, what’s this big problem? Shepherd?”
Book looked up, his face grave.
“It would seem that we’ve stumbled into a part of space we really don’t want to be in.”
Mal quirked an eyebrow.
“Oh really? Last I heard nobody owned the sky. ‘Specially not this far from the Core.”
“True. It’s not owned by anybody. But this particular area appears to have a rather strict group of inhabitants who don’t take kindly to certain kinds of people passing through their space.”
“And what kinds of people would that be, preacher?”
“Men and women who live together but aren’t married.”
Mal looked at the Shepherd for a long moment, trying to gauge whether or not he was joking. With Book it was sometimes hard to tell. A quick glance at the others, coupled with Jayne’s urgency when he’d come to get him, convinced Mal that it was on the level.
“So, these folks ain’t happy about us bein’ in their space…we’ll just say ‘pardon us’ and be on our way.”
“I’m afraid it’s not quite as simple as that, Captain.”
“Rarely is. What else?”
“Their leader sent a wave. They’re not going to let us leave without ensuring that the relevant rites have been carried out to correct what is, in their view, a terrible moral outrage.”
Inara broke in.
“So what are you saying, Shepherd? That we have to get married to satisfy these people?”
Her displeasure at the prospect was clear on her face.
“I don’t see that we have any other choice in the matter.” Book said.
“The hell we don’t. Wash, get up to the bridge and get this ship movin’.”
“Can’t.” Wash said, shrugging apologetically.
“And why would that be?”
“Because they got at least ten ships out there with big cannons pointed right at us, sir. We move, they’ll blow the ship to bits.” Zoe answered, gripping Wash’s hand.
“Oh, so they can’t have unmarried people livin’ on the same ship, but they got no problems with killin’ a few folk.” Mal turned to Book. “Take it this is some kinda religious thing?”
“I believe so. It appears to be a bastardised form of Christianity. Broke off a long while back and went completely over the edge of morality into lunacy.”
“Don’t sound all that different from most religious types to me.”
“You miss the part where they’re gonna blow us outta the sky? Why you gotta run your smart mouth all the damn time?” Jayne stood up and moved into the kitchen, muttering under his breath.
Mal realised that all eyes were on him.
“Well then, I guess we’ll be havin’ us some weddin’s.”
“I am, obviously, exempt from this. Zoe and Wash are already married. So that would leave yourself, Jayne, Inara, Kaylee, Simon and River. I’ve done some research and I would be able to carry out a simple ceremony which would satisfy their requirements.”
“I’m not marrying Mal.” Inara stated, immediately.
“I don’t believe I asked you to. It’s polite to wait until someone proposes.” Mal said, a little hurt.
Inara was surveying the room, her eyes finally landing on an acceptable partner.
“I could marry Kaylee!”
Jayne hurried back into the mess, a lecherous expression his face. Kaylee looked torn.
“Gee, I’m real sorry ‘Nara, but Simon already asked me.” She turned to give Simon a dirty look. “He coulda been a bit more romantic ‘bout it.”
“Kaylee, I…”
Kaylee ignored him and continued in a mockery of Simon’s accent. “‘Well, Kaylee, River’s my sister and Inara intimidates me so…’ Didn’t even get down on one knee nor nothin’!”
Simon looked suitably chastened.
“Screw the doc, I’m all for ‘Nara and Kaylee getting’ hitched.”
Mal leaned over to Jayne and spoke in a stage whisper.
“You do realise that would mean you’d need to marry one of the Tams.”
River’s eyes lit up in a way that both terrified and aroused Jayne. Simon’s mouth hung open in horror.
“I ain’t marryin’ the doc.”
“Oh no, now my heart is broken. I fear I’ll never be the same again.” Simon’s tone held more than a little sarcasm.
“Our religious zealot friends are not in favour of same-sex marriages.” Book broke in, before the argument went any further.
“Pity.” Jayne said, looking from Inara to Kaylee and leering.
Mal moved to where Inara was sitting and held out his hand.
“Well, I guess I should wish you well on your impendin’ nuptials. I’m sure you ‘n’ Jayne’ll make a lovely couple.”
Inara’s eyes widened, this thought had obviously not occurred to her. It hadn’t quite dawned on Jayne either, whose smile was slowly spreading across his face.
“Reckon I got me the pick a the litter here!” Jayne stated, happily.
“Run-tse-duh-fwo-tzoo.” Inara’s head dropped to the table. Then shot back up. She fixed Book with a desperate stare. “Please tell me that there’s no consummation clause in this.”
“Hey! What you sayin’? I don’t got no consumption! It was jus’ a cold I had from Mal makin’ us go to that gorram snowy planet for that funeral.”
Inara rolled her eyes and looked imploringly at Book.
“None that I’ve come across. Although, the ceremony itself does require a kiss.”
Jayne looked at Inara seriously.
“Well, ‘Nara, I don’t usually kiss on the mouth, but I reckon I can make an exception this one time.”
She fixed him with a withering stare. “I’m flattered, really.”
Jayne nodded. Mal fought down the urge to laugh. Then he felt a tug on his arm. He looked down to see River staring up at him, adoringly.
“I’m very much looking forward to our wedding night. I think we’ll have really great sex together.”
She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Mal looked at Book.
“Uh…how long til we can get divorced?”
stormkpr and her crazy prompts, right? Well, here's another one:Serenity is passing through an area of space that is completely controlled by religious fundamentalists. They are appalled at the fact that unmarried men and women live together abroad Serenity and are demanding that everyone on the ship (except the Shephard) get married. If they don't comply, they will destroy the ship. Describe some highlights of the day.
And here's the result. More Crack!fic.
TITLE: Like a horse and carriage
AUTHOR: Angie
FEEDBACK: scotangelina@yahoo.com
DISTRIBUTION: Feel free to take this, just let me know where it's gone.
FANDOM: Firefly
PAIRING: Many unconventional pairings.
SUMMARY: See above prompt.
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: I’m not Joss.
WORD COUNT: 1,282
Jayne jogged along the gangway towards Inara’s shuttle. Even from a distance away, he could hear the voices: Mal’s low and mocking, Inara’s high and indignant. He slowed as he got nearer, unwilling to get in the middle of whatever they were arguing about this time. He raised his hand and rapped loudly on the door.
“Mal? Mal you’d better get out here. We got a mighty big problem.”
The door opened and Mal came out, Jayne moved to the side to avoid the flying vase that followed him, narrowly missing his head. Jayne’s eyes widened.
“What you been sayin’ to her this time? She don’t usually take to throwin’ her stuff at ya.”
Mal grinned in his usual, devil-may-care way.
“Oh, you know, whores and their mood-swings…never can tell how they’ll…OW!”
Inara’s aim was better with the candlestick which connected solidly with the back of Mal’s head. He rubbed the spot and glared back over his shoulder. He turned back to Jayne, still holding his head.
“You was sayin’ somethin’ about a problem?”
“Yeah. Best you come down and talk to the Shepherd. You too, ‘Nara.”
“I’m not going anywhere if he’s going to be there.” Inara’s voice drifted out of her shuttle.
“I’m tellin’ you. This ain’t no joke. We need everybody in the mess. Now.”
Inara and Mal exchanged glances. Jayne actually looked worried, and that was never reassuring. Inara rolled her eyes and swept past the two men, heading for the dining area. Mal watched her go, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown. Jayne had no time for lovers’ spats.
“Git movin’ Cap’n, we ain’t got a lotta time.”
*****
In the mess, Book was poring over an encyclopaedia when Mal and Jayne entered. Everyone else was already there, seated around the table. Inara pointedly looked away from Mal. Mal looked around the room at the serious faces.
“So, what’s this big problem? Shepherd?”
Book looked up, his face grave.
“It would seem that we’ve stumbled into a part of space we really don’t want to be in.”
Mal quirked an eyebrow.
“Oh really? Last I heard nobody owned the sky. ‘Specially not this far from the Core.”
“True. It’s not owned by anybody. But this particular area appears to have a rather strict group of inhabitants who don’t take kindly to certain kinds of people passing through their space.”
“And what kinds of people would that be, preacher?”
“Men and women who live together but aren’t married.”
Mal looked at the Shepherd for a long moment, trying to gauge whether or not he was joking. With Book it was sometimes hard to tell. A quick glance at the others, coupled with Jayne’s urgency when he’d come to get him, convinced Mal that it was on the level.
“So, these folks ain’t happy about us bein’ in their space…we’ll just say ‘pardon us’ and be on our way.”
“I’m afraid it’s not quite as simple as that, Captain.”
“Rarely is. What else?”
“Their leader sent a wave. They’re not going to let us leave without ensuring that the relevant rites have been carried out to correct what is, in their view, a terrible moral outrage.”
Inara broke in.
“So what are you saying, Shepherd? That we have to get married to satisfy these people?”
Her displeasure at the prospect was clear on her face.
“I don’t see that we have any other choice in the matter.” Book said.
“The hell we don’t. Wash, get up to the bridge and get this ship movin’.”
“Can’t.” Wash said, shrugging apologetically.
“And why would that be?”
“Because they got at least ten ships out there with big cannons pointed right at us, sir. We move, they’ll blow the ship to bits.” Zoe answered, gripping Wash’s hand.
“Oh, so they can’t have unmarried people livin’ on the same ship, but they got no problems with killin’ a few folk.” Mal turned to Book. “Take it this is some kinda religious thing?”
“I believe so. It appears to be a bastardised form of Christianity. Broke off a long while back and went completely over the edge of morality into lunacy.”
“Don’t sound all that different from most religious types to me.”
“You miss the part where they’re gonna blow us outta the sky? Why you gotta run your smart mouth all the damn time?” Jayne stood up and moved into the kitchen, muttering under his breath.
Mal realised that all eyes were on him.
“Well then, I guess we’ll be havin’ us some weddin’s.”
“I am, obviously, exempt from this. Zoe and Wash are already married. So that would leave yourself, Jayne, Inara, Kaylee, Simon and River. I’ve done some research and I would be able to carry out a simple ceremony which would satisfy their requirements.”
“I’m not marrying Mal.” Inara stated, immediately.
“I don’t believe I asked you to. It’s polite to wait until someone proposes.” Mal said, a little hurt.
Inara was surveying the room, her eyes finally landing on an acceptable partner.
“I could marry Kaylee!”
Jayne hurried back into the mess, a lecherous expression his face. Kaylee looked torn.
“Gee, I’m real sorry ‘Nara, but Simon already asked me.” She turned to give Simon a dirty look. “He coulda been a bit more romantic ‘bout it.”
“Kaylee, I…”
Kaylee ignored him and continued in a mockery of Simon’s accent. “‘Well, Kaylee, River’s my sister and Inara intimidates me so…’ Didn’t even get down on one knee nor nothin’!”
Simon looked suitably chastened.
“Screw the doc, I’m all for ‘Nara and Kaylee getting’ hitched.”
Mal leaned over to Jayne and spoke in a stage whisper.
“You do realise that would mean you’d need to marry one of the Tams.”
River’s eyes lit up in a way that both terrified and aroused Jayne. Simon’s mouth hung open in horror.
“I ain’t marryin’ the doc.”
“Oh no, now my heart is broken. I fear I’ll never be the same again.” Simon’s tone held more than a little sarcasm.
“Our religious zealot friends are not in favour of same-sex marriages.” Book broke in, before the argument went any further.
“Pity.” Jayne said, looking from Inara to Kaylee and leering.
Mal moved to where Inara was sitting and held out his hand.
“Well, I guess I should wish you well on your impendin’ nuptials. I’m sure you ‘n’ Jayne’ll make a lovely couple.”
Inara’s eyes widened, this thought had obviously not occurred to her. It hadn’t quite dawned on Jayne either, whose smile was slowly spreading across his face.
“Reckon I got me the pick a the litter here!” Jayne stated, happily.
“Run-tse-duh-fwo-tzoo.” Inara’s head dropped to the table. Then shot back up. She fixed Book with a desperate stare. “Please tell me that there’s no consummation clause in this.”
“Hey! What you sayin’? I don’t got no consumption! It was jus’ a cold I had from Mal makin’ us go to that gorram snowy planet for that funeral.”
Inara rolled her eyes and looked imploringly at Book.
“None that I’ve come across. Although, the ceremony itself does require a kiss.”
Jayne looked at Inara seriously.
“Well, ‘Nara, I don’t usually kiss on the mouth, but I reckon I can make an exception this one time.”
She fixed him with a withering stare. “I’m flattered, really.”
Jayne nodded. Mal fought down the urge to laugh. Then he felt a tug on his arm. He looked down to see River staring up at him, adoringly.
“I’m very much looking forward to our wedding night. I think we’ll have really great sex together.”
She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Mal looked at Book.
“Uh…how long til we can get divorced?”
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no subject
Date: 2006-03-26 11:00 pm (UTC)And of course, Mal/River would be precious because, well she's so forward.And hey, maybe they'll be stuck married for a while, ahahahahaa.
Wash and Zoe will just kick back and be like, "Wow, so glad we didn't have to go through that." Hahahaaha.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-27 07:35 pm (UTC)Because . . . Jayne and Inara married would be fabulous, especially because, as lecherous as Jayne is, I totally think he'd surprise her by his attempts to be chivalrous and do the right thing. - And funnily enough, those are exactly my thoughts on Jayne. I am possibly being influenced by all the Jayne/Inara stuff at
And of course, Mal/River would be precious because, well she's so forward. - Isn't she just?
Wash and Zoe will just kick back and be like, "Wow, so glad we didn't have to go through that." Hahahaaha. - I wish I'd included Wash more in this fic, he should have been making fun of everyone and commenting all the way through. But it was late and I was tired.
I might need to write the ceremony at some point. Just to satisfy my need for this Jayne/Inara kiss.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-27 12:02 am (UTC)I have tears rolling down my face. Love this!! Love how Book explains the situation they're in, the Mal/Inara fight, Simon's lame proposal. And I love: “I don’t believe I asked you to. It’s polite to wait until someone proposes.” Mal said, a little hurt." I can hear him saying that!
no subject
Date: 2006-03-27 07:38 pm (UTC)the Mal/Inara fight - I wonder what they were fighting about ;) Must've been bad if she would rather marry Jayne than him.
Simon's lame proposal - You just know Simon would mess it up.
Glad you liked this. I enjoyed writing it. I may write the ceremony at some point. I am slowly becoming addicted to crack!fic.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-27 10:55 am (UTC)I like Mal's cynicism about religion (I know he is man who lost his faith but I think that I like him better that way)
WHORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you know how happy that makes me.
Love that Inara thinks of marrying Kaylee and that Kaylee seems really torn about accepting Simon's inadequate proposal - I adore her Simon impression!!!!
I love Jayne's excitement about the Hoyay - he is so going to his bunk when this is all over.
I also love that Jayne doesn't normally kiss but that he is willing to make an exception for Inara!
Adore River's aggressive come on to Mal!!!!!!!!!!!! It is so River.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-27 07:45 pm (UTC)I adore her Simon impression!!! - Simon would totally manage to accidentally insult someone while he was trying to propose. And you know I had to have Kaylee being torn about Inara's idea ;)
he is so going to his bunk when this is all over. - He so is. But he might try to persuade Inara to go with him. I am very into Jayne/Inara right now. Not in a shippy way. Well, not really. This is probably why they ended up in a couple in this fic...because you know normally I'd have Inara with Mal or Kaylee. I rec'd your fic on
I also love that Jayne doesn't normally kiss but that he is willing to make an exception for Inara! - I felt that was very charitable of Jayne. And I might need to write it.
Adore River's aggressive come on to Mal!!!!!!!!!!!! It is so River. - I just had this picture of her looking up at him with adoring eyes and him being very nervous.
Glad you liked this. Crack!fic may now be my new obsession.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-28 11:21 am (UTC)I rec'd your fic on
I felt that was very charitable of Jayne. And I might need to write it. I would be happy with that even if it's not part of the fic empire that my drabble has spawned.
I just had this picture of her looking up at him with adoring eyes and him being very nervous. Tee hee
Crack!fic may now be my new obsession. does that mean the Jayne fic series is a possibility????
no subject
Date: 2006-03-28 09:55 pm (UTC)I might be able to do something with the Jayne thing.
'Eight things that disturb Jayne Cobb'
I'll see what I can do. But I probably want to try to do a short continuaiton of the above fic first. But things never go to plan with my fic writing, so who knows?
no subject
Date: 2006-03-27 09:21 pm (UTC)This stuff hits the show at just the right angle of distortion, so so so very hilarious!
Mal's little panic reaction to River is almost the best, but then... his fight with Inara and the sweet taste underneath the fizzle and.. Jayne/Inara and Inara/Kaylee!
Inara was surveying the room, her eyes finally landing on an acceptable partner.
“I could marry Kaylee!”
I squee'd.
“Oh no, now my heart is broken. I fear I’ll never be the same again.” Simon’s tone held more than a little sarcasm.
Sarcastic!Simon is my hero.
Tell me there will be more like these! :D
no subject
Date: 2006-03-27 09:33 pm (UTC)s fight with Inara and the sweet taste underneath the fizzle - Oh, they always have the sweetness in there somewhere.
and.. Jayne/Inara and Inara/Kaylee! - I am strangely into Jayne/Inara at the moment. And I'm always up for Inara/Kaylee.
Sarcastic!Simon is my hero. - Mine too! I like him almost as much as I like Shirtless!Simon.
Tell me there will be more like these! :D - I'm actually quite attached to this little crack!story now, so there may well be a continuation of it. We'll see.s
no subject
Date: 2006-03-29 11:46 pm (UTC)“Please tell me that there’s no consummation clause in this.”
“Hey! What you sayin’? I don’t got no consumption! It was jus’ a cold I had from Mal makin’ us go to that gorram snowy planet for that funeral.”
Brilliant! I am still laughing.
Just had to share this with you...
Date: 2006-07-06 01:02 am (UTC)"A compulsory marriage law has just been passed by the governing body of the area in which your characters reside/are visiting/whatever. It declares that no single character is allowed to remain unmarried, under pain of death/mutilation/banishment/slaps with a trout/etc."
Here's the link:
http://ishie.livejournal.com/268477.html
Re: Just had to share this with you...
Date: 2006-07-13 09:34 pm (UTC)I am making notes on the Verse Idol one. I do plan to write it. And I am way behind on fic reading - will get round to reading yours, I promise!
Re: Just had to share this with you...
Date: 2006-07-14 08:41 pm (UTC)Oooh, can't wait!
And I am way behind on fic reading - will get round to reading yours, I promise!
I sense you're not as into Firefly as you once were, but if you do feel the urge to read more FF fic, I would love your thoughts! :)
no subject
Date: 2006-07-14 11:09 pm (UTC)It's not that I'm not as into Firefly as I once was. I just tend to get swept away by shiny new fandoms. I'll come back around. I recently converted someone I work with to the joys of Firefly so I've been having interesting discussions with her.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-14 11:48 pm (UTC)I understand what you mean about getting swept away by new fandoms. I know this is different for everyone, but for me I do find that fandoms cycle in and out in terms of my interest in them. I got more into X-men than I'd been for a while after watching X3. Am still obsessed with Firefly. Less so with Jem now. But everything comes back for me. :) Regardless of what you're into the most now, you're a great writer and I look forward to what you come up with in the future.