![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thegirl20TITLE: And lie beside you as you dream
AUTHOR:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
the_girl_20
FANDOM: Legend of the Seeker
PAIRING: Cara/Kahlan
SUMMARY: A follow up to If my heart had wings, I would fly to you. Probably better to read that first.
RATING: R
WORD COUNT: ~4100
DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em.
SPOILERS: None
AUTHORS' NOTES: I did not intend for this to happen. I planned to write a teeny sequel with some more journeybook!sex and be done with it. But then feelings happened. Ugh.
NB: Journeybook entries are in italics.
The evening had passed in awkward silence since the incident with the stew and Richard’s crotch. He had assured Kahlan and Zedd that he was fine and that neither of them needed to look at the afflicted area. But things were definitely strained afterwards and they had all retired early, with Kahlan offering to take first watch. She waited until Zedd’s snoring had started up and Richard’s breathing had evened out. After making a cursory sweep of the perimeter, she sat down against a tree and pulled out one of her daggers. The wound on her hand was still fresh from earlier so she didn’t need to press hard to make her blood run into the saucer. She opened the book to a fresh page and smiled when she saw that Cara was already waiting.
I’m here when you’ve put the boys to bed.
Kahlan glanced over at the sleeping forms of her companions with a rueful smile. She dipped her quill into the blood and wrote back.
They’re sleeping soundly.
There was a pause as she waited for Cara to notice that she’d arrived.
Already? Did you drug them?
When the symbols started to appear, they were a little shakier than Cara’s normally steady hand would allow. Kahlan frowned.
No drugs necessary. They went to bed willingly. Are you feeling alright?
Cara would not take kindly to being asked anything which suggested she was less than perfect. Kahlan was struck by a thought. Cara had written a lot more than she had during their earlier conversation. All at once a vision entered her head of the Mord’Sith sitting under a tree, pale and weak from blood loss.
Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?
The letters were still not as crisp as they should have been, but Cara had clearly made an effort to tidy them up. Kahlan rolled her eyes at the stubbornness of the woman.
I wondered if perhaps our earlier conversation had tired you out.
Kahlan bit her lip, waiting for the indignant response.
Not at all. I can go all night if necessary, as well you know.
Not so much indignant as just plain tantalising. Kahlan felt herself tingle in very interesting places as she thought back to a few inns they’d visited where Cara’s stamina had indeed proven to be impressive. She smirked.
I do know that. I just thought perhaps you had used up a little more blood than you had planned to. You were very talkative.
Flipping back a page, Kahlan skimmed over Cara’s words, shivering a little as she read them. She turned back to the current page.
Who said I was using my own blood?
For some reason, the thought of Cara using some random D’haran soldier’s blood to write these intimate words to her was almost insulting. She tried to tell herself that it was better that than have Cara in any way weakened while she was out on her own, but still, it felt strange.
Kahlan, I’m joking. It’s all mine.
The relief that flooded Kahlan was embarrassing in its strength. She smiled as she replied.
You need to tell me when you’re joking. It’s hard enough to tell sometimes even when you’re here!
A pause.
You can read me better than you admit, Mother Confessor.
Shaking her head in wonder, Kahlan considered getting Cara to do all of her important communicating via journeybook.
Yes, I can. I wish I could see your face.
It is an exceedingly good face.
Kahlan smiled, but it quickly faded to sadness.
You know, as much as I enjoyed what we did earlier, right now I’d be ecstatic just to have your arm draped over my waist as I sleep.
She knew Cara would be rolling her eyes but she didn’t care. The melancholy that had settled over her was intense. Perhaps speaking to Cara again hadn’t been such a good idea. She waited for a reply, almost feeling sorry for the other woman for forcing her to respond to such an emotional statement.
Soon.
The word brought a smile back to Kahlan’s lips. Because it spoke volumes. It wasn’t sarcastic and it wasn’t an attempt to turn the conversation back to physical acts. It told Kahlan that Cara wanted to be with her too.
Yes, soon. And until then, at least we have this.
Which can be pleasant in its own way.
Kahlan traced her fingers over the page as if it were Cara’s skin. She decided to lighten the conversation by telling Cara about the reason the men had retired so early.
Yes, it can, but it can be a little risky.
Risky?
Kahlan blushed as she thought back to the events of the evening.
Richard picked up my journeybook while we were eating dinner. He nearly saw what we had been doing.
Though her face was still hot with blushing, she couldn’t help but smile as she thought of Cara’s reaction. She loved to watch the taciturn woman when she was amused or excited. And she could imagine that Cara would be amused by the situation, whereas she had been mortified.
Well, that would certainly lessen the need for that awkward conversation we’ll need to have with him at some point soon. How did you stop him from seeing?
Kahlan’s mouth dropped open at the first part of Cara’s reply. Though she had mentioned telling Richard about their relationship on a number of occasions, Cara’s usual contribution to the conversation was a non-committal grunt. And now, not only was she acknowledging it as something that would have to be done, she had used the word ‘we’. Kahlan didn’t actually expect the conversation with Richard to be too bad. Her own relationship with him had cooled from a romantic endeavour to an easy friendship. While no official declaration had been made, everyone knew it had happened. They no longer kissed or lingered over their goodbyes. They no longer slept close to each other at night. They no longer held hands as they walked. It had happened naturally, and Kahlan wasn’t even saddened by it. Especially as her feelings towards Cara had been developing, even as her relationship with Richard was dwindling.
It was with a huge grin that she wrote back, leaving the conversation with Richard to the side for the moment.
I dumped a bowl of hot stew in his lap.
She blushed again as she pictured Richard trying to wipe the stew off and batting both Kahlan and Zedd’s hands away as they tried to help.
Effective. That will teach him to mind his own business.
It was an accident, Cara!
Of course it wa-
The word turned into a score which ran all the way up the page, obscuring some of the earlier writing. A cold sweat broke out across Kahlan’s brow.
Cara?
Nothing. No response.
Cara, what happened? Are you okay?
Still nothing. Kahlan was just about to wake up Zedd and Richard, why she wasn’t sure as they wouldn’t be able to do anything more than she could, when Cara wrote back.
I’m here. Nothing happened. Everything is fine.
It was definitely Cara’s writing, so she hadn’t been kidnapped, knocked unconscious or otherwise incapacitated. Kahlan’s heart started to slow down, hammering against her breastbone a little less painfully. The writing even seemed steadier than before, like Cara had moved to solid grou-…
Cara, did you just fall off your horse?
No.
There was no need for confessor powers to tell her that was a lie. She didn’t respond, and her panic had morphed into gentle amusement.
Yes.
A laugh bubbled up out of Kahlan’s chest and she covered her mouth so as not to wake Richard or Zedd.
Cara! Why are you still riding at this hour? And while are you writing to me while you’re riding?
Kahlan had no need to see Cara at that moment. She could picture the sigh and the eyeroll perfectly.
I am riding at this hour because riding a little longer in the evening brings me closer to you.
“Spirits,” Kahlan breathed, tears pricking at the backs of her eyes. “Why can’t you say these things when we’re together?” She shook her head and took care of the practicalities.
As lovely as that is, I don’t want you riding recklessly in the dark. Are you hurt?
Only my pride.
Good. You should stop riding for the evening. Settle down and get some sleep. I want you in one piece when I get you back.
No, I’ll ride a little longer. There’s nowhere good to make camp around here.
There was no use in arguing, Kahlan knew. She sighed.
Fine. But no more writing while riding. I’ll bid you goodnight now. Stay safe.
You too. And try not to maim the Lord Rahl any further in my absence. Goodnight Kahlan.
I’ll try. Goodnight Cara. I miss you.
That was as far as she could go without saying those other words that really should be said for the first time in person.
And I you. I’ll be back soon, I promise.
Kahlan watched Cara make her mark to signify that she was closing the journeybook, and she did likewise. She hugged the book to her chest, breathing in the scent of the leather binding, and let her chin rest on the top of it.
“I love you,” she whispered to the night.
*
Having only recently turned the watch over to Richard, and tried not to blush as she watched him walk with his legs a little further apart than usual, Kahlan was most displeased to find herself jostled into a state of wakefulness. Until she realised that there was a warm body at her back and an arm across her waist.
Kahlan turned over and found herself face to face with a smirking Cara.
“What...how?” she asked, too happy and confused to form sentences.
“You said you wanted my arm across your waist,” Cara murmured, pulling Kahlan a little closer with that very arm.
Heedless of whether or not Richard was nearby, Kahlan grasped Cara’s chin and pulled her into a sweet kiss. When they parted, Kahlan’s eyes were drawn to a dark area on Cara’s forehead. Her eyebrows came together in sympathy when she realised it was a bruise. She brushed over the mark with her thumb, while Cara rolled her eyes.
“Only your pride, huh?”
“It’s nothing,” Cara insisted. “An unexpected low hanging branch.”
Kahlan leaned in to kiss the bruise, letting her lips linger against Cara’s skin as she spoke. “Well, though I disapprove of you endangering yourself to get here, I’m not complaining now that you are.”
“I don’t like to leave the three of you alone for too long,” Cara mumbled. “Who knows what kind of trouble you’d get into without me.”
And they were apparently back to their playful banter, now that the safe distance of the journeybook had been taken away. Kahlan propped herself up on her elbow so that she could look down at the Mord’Sith.
“Cara, tell me you missed me.”
Cara looked up at her, confused. “I already did.”
“No, you wrote it. Now tell me.”
Kahlan waited while Cara fidgeted.
“Kahlan,” she whined. “I’m here now, so there’s no need to discuss this.”
“I know you missed me,” Kahlan whispered, her voice gentle as she toyed with the neckline of Cara’s leathers. “You won’t be telling me anything I don’t know. You were very eloquent in the journeybook. Why is it so different to say the words out loud?”
Cara sighed. “I don’t know, Kahlan. It just...is.”
Kahlan smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to Cara’s mouth. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“No it’s...I...,” Cara’s teeth clenched in frustration and Kahlan’s chest panged in sympathy.
“Cara, really, it’s fine I was just...I don’t need you to say anything,” Kahlan assured her. “Let’s just sleep. You must be exhausted.”
Kahlan pressed a final kiss to Cara’s lips and turned over, snuggling back against the other woman and pulling her arm tightly around her waist. She could feel Cara breathing, feel the tension still in her muscles and wished she could make it go away.
After a long silence, Cara began to speak, and somehow Kahlan sensed that she shouldn’t interrupt.
“The things I said in the journeybook, I meant them. I mean them. I think it’s easier to say them that way because I’m not looking at you. Because when I look at you I feel like I don’t deserve to say these things to you...because you’re...because you’re not meant to be with someone like me.”
Kahlan drew in a breath to protest, but Cara squeezed her gently and she closed her mouth, trying to keep tears at bay as Cara continued.
“Yes, I missed you. I miss you when I’m not with you...even if it’s only for a few minutes. And...that should make me feel so weak. But I don’t, because I know that I would fight anything and everything in my path to make sure that you were safe...that the world was safe for you.”
Kahlan thought back to another time, another life almost, where she had wept over a sword and lectured Cara in the importance of emotions and feelings. Now her words were being put to shame. She linked her fingers through Cara’s hand and brought it to her chest, clasping it against her skin.
“It...makes me powerful,” Cara whispered and Kahlan froze.
“What does?” she asked, also in a whisper.
“Loving you...it makes me powerful.”
Kahlan let out a gasp, her heart thundering under Cara’s hand. She wanted to turn around and cry and kiss Cara and laugh. But she was afraid that if she did, Cara would take it back, or stop talking.
“You can say something if you like.”
At that, Kahlan did laugh. She turned over, cheeks wet with tears, to find Cara staring at her, like a puppy that expected to be kicked. And that wasn’t so far from the truth, Kahlan mused. All her life, Cara had been taught that any display of emotion was to be scorned and punished. And still she had been brave enough to tell Kahlan how she felt. Kahlan was sure that anything she had to say would not be enough to repay what Cara had done. Cupping Cara’s face, she stroked her cheek with a thumb and shook her head.
“Cara, I...don’t know what to say,” she admitted.
Cara’s eyes dropped and Kahlan’s stomach did likewise as she realised that Cara thought she didn’t feel the same way.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Cara muttered. “I didn’t...I shouldn’t expect you t-“
The words were cut off by the most passionate kiss that Kahlan could muster. She poured herself into it, into Cara, trying to convey what words could not. When they had to part, Kahlan was panting, but she needed to say something.
“I love you, you idiot,” she said, flinching as the utterly unromantic declaration left her mouth.
But Cara was grinning at her with an eyebrow raised.
“Idiot? Is that a term of endearment, Mother Confessor?” she asked, her confidence apparently back in force.
“Yes,” Kahlan confirmed, one side of her mouth creeping up. “You’re an idiot if you could think, even for a second, that I don’t love you. I can’t remember what it felt like to not love you. I’ve loved you for so long that sometimes I forgot that I hadn’t actually said the words to you.”
“It surprises me that you didn’t,” Cara said, brushing her thumb over Kahlan’s lower lip. “You’re not one for keeping your feelings hidden.”
Kahlan butted her forehead against Cara’s. “Perhaps I was afraid that if I said it out loud, you’d run screaming into the woods with your hands over your ears.”
Cara repeated Kahlan’s action, knocking their heads together again. “Even I’m not that much of an idiot, Kahlan.”
Kahlan sighed happily and leaned in to kiss Cara again, mumbling against her lips as she did so. “I love you.”
She felt Cara’s mouth twist into a smile against her own. “Are you going to be saying that all the time now?”
“Probably,” Kahlan said, pulling back enough to see Cara’s face. “I have a lot of pent up ‘I love yous’. I need to let them out.”
She earned a soft laugh. “Is that so?”
Kahlan turned so that she was half on top of Cara, looking down at her.
“That is so. I wanted to tell you I loved you when you got hurt in that fight last week.”
“I did not get hu-ow!” Cara was chastened when Kahlan gently pressed the stitches in her abdomen, still healing.
“You got hurt, and I wanted to tell you I loved you and that you had to stop getting stabbed by D’harans because I hate it when you’re hurt.”
“Okay,” Cara allowed. “When else?”
“When you were sparring with Richard a few weeks ago, after he’d found out about his father,” Kahlan said, delighted that Cara had asked for more. “You let him beat you so that he would feel better.”
Cara tilted her head. “How did you know I let him?” she asked, rubbing distracting circles on Kahlan’s lower back.
“Because, like you said,” Kahlan teased. “I can read you better than I admit.”
Cara huffed, but was clearly amused. “When else?” she asked.
“Right before you left a few days ago,” Kahlan said, her eyes glistening at the memory. “I wanted to say it so badly I thought it might just come out.”
Cara lifted her head and placed a soft kiss against Kahlan’s lips. “When else?” she whispered.
“When I wake up in the morning, when my eyes land on you for the first time every day, when we’re eating breakfast, when you’re on a horse, when we’re eating lunch, when you touch my hand, when we’re walki-“
A gentle finger on her lips cut off the stream of words as Cara looked up at her in wonder.
“You’re right,” Cara said, her voice rough around the edges. “That is a lot.”
Kahlan nodded. “It’s been hard on me,” she said, letting her bottom lip stick out a little.
“I imagine it has,” Cara agreed, nipping at Kahlan’s protruding lip with her teeth. “I suppose now that you’re free to say it, it will be easier.”
“I suppose it will,” Kahlan said with an easy smile. “I love you.”
“I probably won’t say it as often as you,” Cara told her, her eyebrows slanted in worry as she searched Kahlan’s eyes. “But just know that I think it as often as you do. And I feel it as strongly.”
“I don’t need you to say it,” Kahlan whispered, leaning down so that her nose brushed Cara’s. “Knowing that you feel it is enough.”
Cara looked up at her, with an expression similar to the one she wore when she was preparing to go into battle. She held Kahlan’s gaze and opened her mouth.
“I love you, Kahlan Amnell,” she said, her lips turning up as the words were formed, almost surprised at how easily they’d come out. “And please note that I didn’t call you an idiot when I said it.”
“No,” Kahlan said, tears streaming down her face. “You didn’t.”
“But I did make you cry,” Cara said, frowning and wiping at the tears. “Don’t cry.”
“Okay, I won’t cry,” Kahlan said, making no attempt to stop.
A rustling noise from the trees behind them drew their attention away from each other and they froze, waiting for another sound. Kahlan slowly moved off Cara, reaching for the daggers in her boots, as Cara put a hand on one of her agiels, making it sing. They both stood up, facing the trees.
“Who’s there?” Kahlan called. “Come out. We’re armed.”
“Don’t throw anything at me!” It was Richard’s voice.
Kahlan let out a breath of relief, though Cara continued to scowl. Richard appeared with his hands held up in surrender.
“How long have you been there?” Cara asked, she hadn’t reholstered her agiel and continued to brandish it, menacingly.
“Not long,” Richard said, eyeing the weapon. “I was checking the perimeter and I heard voices so I came to see where they were coming from. Then I realised it was the two of you so I was about to leave. And I didn’t hear anything.”
Kahlan narrowed her eyes. “Are you really trying to lie to a confessor? To me, Richard?”
He met her eyes and instantly her anger died at the sadness she saw in him. He tried to paste on his usual grin. “I guess that’s kind of pointless,” he agreed. “Okay, maybe I heard a little, but I wasn’t listening on purpose and we don’t have to talk about what I heard if you’re not ready to.” His eyes flicked to Cara as he spoke.
Turning to Cara, Kahlan braced herself for a denial anything that Richard had heard. Cara did experience a blow to the head earlier. What she didn’t expect was for the blonde to step towards Richard, holstering her weapon.
“I’m...sorry, Richard,” she said. “I’ll understand if you choose to beat me. Or banish me. Whichever you see fit.”
Kahlan was between them before she even realised she had moved, pushing Cara back with a hand on her chest.
“He will do no such thing!” she said, looking back over her shoulder at Richard, to find him looking as shocked as she was. He shook his head.
“Cara, I’m not going to condemn you for falling in love,” he said. “I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t hurt a little. But that’s not your fault, and it’s not Kahlan’s. It just is what it is.”
Kahlan turned back to find Cara looking between herself and Richard. Her gaze finally settled on the Seeker.
“I will still serve you. If you’ll have me.”
Kahlan’s hand slid from Cara’s chest to her shoulder, squeezing in comfort.
“Cara, I’ve never wanted you to serve me. I want what I’ve always wanted; for you to be my friend and to fight alongside me,” Richard said. “That’s all I ask.”
“Then I can give you what you want,” Cara said, solemnly. Kahlan stood aside to let them grasp forearms. Richard kept hold of Cara, pulling her closer to him.
“You should know that if you ever hurt her, you will answer to me,” he said, his face completely serious. Then he broke out into a grin. “Remember, I bested you when we sparred not so long ago.”
Kahlan hid her smile with a cough, but Cara’s face betrayed not a flicker of amusement as she nodded.
“I do remember, Lord Rahl,” she drawled. “But if I ever hurt her, I will answer to me. And I am far more frightening than you.”
Kahlan swallowed down a lump in her throat, but managed an eyeroll at their macho posturing. She placed her own hand over their joined arms and raised an eyebrow at Cara.
“How about we just agree not to hurt each other?” she suggested.
“I like that better,” Richard said, nodding. “But I’ll let the two of you get back to your...conversation.” He squeezed Cara’s arm one final time and then withdrew. Kahlan stopped him as he walked away and leaned in to brush her lips across his cheek.
“Thank you,” she whispered. He smiled at her and disappeared back into the forest to give them some privacy. Kahlan turned to Cara with a smile.
“So, that’s the awkward conversation over with.”
“It would appear so,” Cara agreed. “So now I suppose you wish for us to go back to discussing how we feel.” The lopsided smile she wore indicated that she might not be completely opposed to that.
“We could,” Kahlan said, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around Cara’s waist. “Or we could do this instead.”
She leaned in and met Cara’s lips in a tender kiss, which quickly turned heated. Kahlan felt her magic start to pump in her blood and she pulled Cara closer.
“Not here,” she mumbled, in between kisses. “We’ll wake Zedd.”
Cara gave no answer but bent her knees and lifted Kahlan up, letting her wind her legs around her waist, before stumbling towards a more secluded area.
The Wizard cracked open an eye and smiled.
AUTHOR:
the_girl_20FANDOM: Legend of the Seeker
PAIRING: Cara/Kahlan
SUMMARY: A follow up to If my heart had wings, I would fly to you. Probably better to read that first.
RATING: R
WORD COUNT: ~4100
DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em.
SPOILERS: None
AUTHORS' NOTES: I did not intend for this to happen. I planned to write a teeny sequel with some more journeybook!sex and be done with it. But then feelings happened. Ugh.
NB: Journeybook entries are in italics.
The evening had passed in awkward silence since the incident with the stew and Richard’s crotch. He had assured Kahlan and Zedd that he was fine and that neither of them needed to look at the afflicted area. But things were definitely strained afterwards and they had all retired early, with Kahlan offering to take first watch. She waited until Zedd’s snoring had started up and Richard’s breathing had evened out. After making a cursory sweep of the perimeter, she sat down against a tree and pulled out one of her daggers. The wound on her hand was still fresh from earlier so she didn’t need to press hard to make her blood run into the saucer. She opened the book to a fresh page and smiled when she saw that Cara was already waiting.
I’m here when you’ve put the boys to bed.
Kahlan glanced over at the sleeping forms of her companions with a rueful smile. She dipped her quill into the blood and wrote back.
They’re sleeping soundly.
There was a pause as she waited for Cara to notice that she’d arrived.
Already? Did you drug them?
When the symbols started to appear, they were a little shakier than Cara’s normally steady hand would allow. Kahlan frowned.
No drugs necessary. They went to bed willingly. Are you feeling alright?
Cara would not take kindly to being asked anything which suggested she was less than perfect. Kahlan was struck by a thought. Cara had written a lot more than she had during their earlier conversation. All at once a vision entered her head of the Mord’Sith sitting under a tree, pale and weak from blood loss.
Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?
The letters were still not as crisp as they should have been, but Cara had clearly made an effort to tidy them up. Kahlan rolled her eyes at the stubbornness of the woman.
I wondered if perhaps our earlier conversation had tired you out.
Kahlan bit her lip, waiting for the indignant response.
Not at all. I can go all night if necessary, as well you know.
Not so much indignant as just plain tantalising. Kahlan felt herself tingle in very interesting places as she thought back to a few inns they’d visited where Cara’s stamina had indeed proven to be impressive. She smirked.
I do know that. I just thought perhaps you had used up a little more blood than you had planned to. You were very talkative.
Flipping back a page, Kahlan skimmed over Cara’s words, shivering a little as she read them. She turned back to the current page.
Who said I was using my own blood?
For some reason, the thought of Cara using some random D’haran soldier’s blood to write these intimate words to her was almost insulting. She tried to tell herself that it was better that than have Cara in any way weakened while she was out on her own, but still, it felt strange.
Kahlan, I’m joking. It’s all mine.
The relief that flooded Kahlan was embarrassing in its strength. She smiled as she replied.
You need to tell me when you’re joking. It’s hard enough to tell sometimes even when you’re here!
A pause.
You can read me better than you admit, Mother Confessor.
Shaking her head in wonder, Kahlan considered getting Cara to do all of her important communicating via journeybook.
Yes, I can. I wish I could see your face.
It is an exceedingly good face.
Kahlan smiled, but it quickly faded to sadness.
You know, as much as I enjoyed what we did earlier, right now I’d be ecstatic just to have your arm draped over my waist as I sleep.
She knew Cara would be rolling her eyes but she didn’t care. The melancholy that had settled over her was intense. Perhaps speaking to Cara again hadn’t been such a good idea. She waited for a reply, almost feeling sorry for the other woman for forcing her to respond to such an emotional statement.
Soon.
The word brought a smile back to Kahlan’s lips. Because it spoke volumes. It wasn’t sarcastic and it wasn’t an attempt to turn the conversation back to physical acts. It told Kahlan that Cara wanted to be with her too.
Yes, soon. And until then, at least we have this.
Which can be pleasant in its own way.
Kahlan traced her fingers over the page as if it were Cara’s skin. She decided to lighten the conversation by telling Cara about the reason the men had retired so early.
Yes, it can, but it can be a little risky.
Risky?
Kahlan blushed as she thought back to the events of the evening.
Richard picked up my journeybook while we were eating dinner. He nearly saw what we had been doing.
Though her face was still hot with blushing, she couldn’t help but smile as she thought of Cara’s reaction. She loved to watch the taciturn woman when she was amused or excited. And she could imagine that Cara would be amused by the situation, whereas she had been mortified.
Well, that would certainly lessen the need for that awkward conversation we’ll need to have with him at some point soon. How did you stop him from seeing?
Kahlan’s mouth dropped open at the first part of Cara’s reply. Though she had mentioned telling Richard about their relationship on a number of occasions, Cara’s usual contribution to the conversation was a non-committal grunt. And now, not only was she acknowledging it as something that would have to be done, she had used the word ‘we’. Kahlan didn’t actually expect the conversation with Richard to be too bad. Her own relationship with him had cooled from a romantic endeavour to an easy friendship. While no official declaration had been made, everyone knew it had happened. They no longer kissed or lingered over their goodbyes. They no longer slept close to each other at night. They no longer held hands as they walked. It had happened naturally, and Kahlan wasn’t even saddened by it. Especially as her feelings towards Cara had been developing, even as her relationship with Richard was dwindling.
It was with a huge grin that she wrote back, leaving the conversation with Richard to the side for the moment.
I dumped a bowl of hot stew in his lap.
She blushed again as she pictured Richard trying to wipe the stew off and batting both Kahlan and Zedd’s hands away as they tried to help.
Effective. That will teach him to mind his own business.
It was an accident, Cara!
Of course it wa-
The word turned into a score which ran all the way up the page, obscuring some of the earlier writing. A cold sweat broke out across Kahlan’s brow.
Cara?
Nothing. No response.
Cara, what happened? Are you okay?
Still nothing. Kahlan was just about to wake up Zedd and Richard, why she wasn’t sure as they wouldn’t be able to do anything more than she could, when Cara wrote back.
I’m here. Nothing happened. Everything is fine.
It was definitely Cara’s writing, so she hadn’t been kidnapped, knocked unconscious or otherwise incapacitated. Kahlan’s heart started to slow down, hammering against her breastbone a little less painfully. The writing even seemed steadier than before, like Cara had moved to solid grou-…
Cara, did you just fall off your horse?
No.
There was no need for confessor powers to tell her that was a lie. She didn’t respond, and her panic had morphed into gentle amusement.
Yes.
A laugh bubbled up out of Kahlan’s chest and she covered her mouth so as not to wake Richard or Zedd.
Cara! Why are you still riding at this hour? And while are you writing to me while you’re riding?
Kahlan had no need to see Cara at that moment. She could picture the sigh and the eyeroll perfectly.
I am riding at this hour because riding a little longer in the evening brings me closer to you.
“Spirits,” Kahlan breathed, tears pricking at the backs of her eyes. “Why can’t you say these things when we’re together?” She shook her head and took care of the practicalities.
As lovely as that is, I don’t want you riding recklessly in the dark. Are you hurt?
Only my pride.
Good. You should stop riding for the evening. Settle down and get some sleep. I want you in one piece when I get you back.
No, I’ll ride a little longer. There’s nowhere good to make camp around here.
There was no use in arguing, Kahlan knew. She sighed.
Fine. But no more writing while riding. I’ll bid you goodnight now. Stay safe.
You too. And try not to maim the Lord Rahl any further in my absence. Goodnight Kahlan.
I’ll try. Goodnight Cara. I miss you.
That was as far as she could go without saying those other words that really should be said for the first time in person.
And I you. I’ll be back soon, I promise.
Kahlan watched Cara make her mark to signify that she was closing the journeybook, and she did likewise. She hugged the book to her chest, breathing in the scent of the leather binding, and let her chin rest on the top of it.
“I love you,” she whispered to the night.
*
Having only recently turned the watch over to Richard, and tried not to blush as she watched him walk with his legs a little further apart than usual, Kahlan was most displeased to find herself jostled into a state of wakefulness. Until she realised that there was a warm body at her back and an arm across her waist.
Kahlan turned over and found herself face to face with a smirking Cara.
“What...how?” she asked, too happy and confused to form sentences.
“You said you wanted my arm across your waist,” Cara murmured, pulling Kahlan a little closer with that very arm.
Heedless of whether or not Richard was nearby, Kahlan grasped Cara’s chin and pulled her into a sweet kiss. When they parted, Kahlan’s eyes were drawn to a dark area on Cara’s forehead. Her eyebrows came together in sympathy when she realised it was a bruise. She brushed over the mark with her thumb, while Cara rolled her eyes.
“Only your pride, huh?”
“It’s nothing,” Cara insisted. “An unexpected low hanging branch.”
Kahlan leaned in to kiss the bruise, letting her lips linger against Cara’s skin as she spoke. “Well, though I disapprove of you endangering yourself to get here, I’m not complaining now that you are.”
“I don’t like to leave the three of you alone for too long,” Cara mumbled. “Who knows what kind of trouble you’d get into without me.”
And they were apparently back to their playful banter, now that the safe distance of the journeybook had been taken away. Kahlan propped herself up on her elbow so that she could look down at the Mord’Sith.
“Cara, tell me you missed me.”
Cara looked up at her, confused. “I already did.”
“No, you wrote it. Now tell me.”
Kahlan waited while Cara fidgeted.
“Kahlan,” she whined. “I’m here now, so there’s no need to discuss this.”
“I know you missed me,” Kahlan whispered, her voice gentle as she toyed with the neckline of Cara’s leathers. “You won’t be telling me anything I don’t know. You were very eloquent in the journeybook. Why is it so different to say the words out loud?”
Cara sighed. “I don’t know, Kahlan. It just...is.”
Kahlan smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to Cara’s mouth. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“No it’s...I...,” Cara’s teeth clenched in frustration and Kahlan’s chest panged in sympathy.
“Cara, really, it’s fine I was just...I don’t need you to say anything,” Kahlan assured her. “Let’s just sleep. You must be exhausted.”
Kahlan pressed a final kiss to Cara’s lips and turned over, snuggling back against the other woman and pulling her arm tightly around her waist. She could feel Cara breathing, feel the tension still in her muscles and wished she could make it go away.
After a long silence, Cara began to speak, and somehow Kahlan sensed that she shouldn’t interrupt.
“The things I said in the journeybook, I meant them. I mean them. I think it’s easier to say them that way because I’m not looking at you. Because when I look at you I feel like I don’t deserve to say these things to you...because you’re...because you’re not meant to be with someone like me.”
Kahlan drew in a breath to protest, but Cara squeezed her gently and she closed her mouth, trying to keep tears at bay as Cara continued.
“Yes, I missed you. I miss you when I’m not with you...even if it’s only for a few minutes. And...that should make me feel so weak. But I don’t, because I know that I would fight anything and everything in my path to make sure that you were safe...that the world was safe for you.”
Kahlan thought back to another time, another life almost, where she had wept over a sword and lectured Cara in the importance of emotions and feelings. Now her words were being put to shame. She linked her fingers through Cara’s hand and brought it to her chest, clasping it against her skin.
“It...makes me powerful,” Cara whispered and Kahlan froze.
“What does?” she asked, also in a whisper.
“Loving you...it makes me powerful.”
Kahlan let out a gasp, her heart thundering under Cara’s hand. She wanted to turn around and cry and kiss Cara and laugh. But she was afraid that if she did, Cara would take it back, or stop talking.
“You can say something if you like.”
At that, Kahlan did laugh. She turned over, cheeks wet with tears, to find Cara staring at her, like a puppy that expected to be kicked. And that wasn’t so far from the truth, Kahlan mused. All her life, Cara had been taught that any display of emotion was to be scorned and punished. And still she had been brave enough to tell Kahlan how she felt. Kahlan was sure that anything she had to say would not be enough to repay what Cara had done. Cupping Cara’s face, she stroked her cheek with a thumb and shook her head.
“Cara, I...don’t know what to say,” she admitted.
Cara’s eyes dropped and Kahlan’s stomach did likewise as she realised that Cara thought she didn’t feel the same way.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Cara muttered. “I didn’t...I shouldn’t expect you t-“
The words were cut off by the most passionate kiss that Kahlan could muster. She poured herself into it, into Cara, trying to convey what words could not. When they had to part, Kahlan was panting, but she needed to say something.
“I love you, you idiot,” she said, flinching as the utterly unromantic declaration left her mouth.
But Cara was grinning at her with an eyebrow raised.
“Idiot? Is that a term of endearment, Mother Confessor?” she asked, her confidence apparently back in force.
“Yes,” Kahlan confirmed, one side of her mouth creeping up. “You’re an idiot if you could think, even for a second, that I don’t love you. I can’t remember what it felt like to not love you. I’ve loved you for so long that sometimes I forgot that I hadn’t actually said the words to you.”
“It surprises me that you didn’t,” Cara said, brushing her thumb over Kahlan’s lower lip. “You’re not one for keeping your feelings hidden.”
Kahlan butted her forehead against Cara’s. “Perhaps I was afraid that if I said it out loud, you’d run screaming into the woods with your hands over your ears.”
Cara repeated Kahlan’s action, knocking their heads together again. “Even I’m not that much of an idiot, Kahlan.”
Kahlan sighed happily and leaned in to kiss Cara again, mumbling against her lips as she did so. “I love you.”
She felt Cara’s mouth twist into a smile against her own. “Are you going to be saying that all the time now?”
“Probably,” Kahlan said, pulling back enough to see Cara’s face. “I have a lot of pent up ‘I love yous’. I need to let them out.”
She earned a soft laugh. “Is that so?”
Kahlan turned so that she was half on top of Cara, looking down at her.
“That is so. I wanted to tell you I loved you when you got hurt in that fight last week.”
“I did not get hu-ow!” Cara was chastened when Kahlan gently pressed the stitches in her abdomen, still healing.
“You got hurt, and I wanted to tell you I loved you and that you had to stop getting stabbed by D’harans because I hate it when you’re hurt.”
“Okay,” Cara allowed. “When else?”
“When you were sparring with Richard a few weeks ago, after he’d found out about his father,” Kahlan said, delighted that Cara had asked for more. “You let him beat you so that he would feel better.”
Cara tilted her head. “How did you know I let him?” she asked, rubbing distracting circles on Kahlan’s lower back.
“Because, like you said,” Kahlan teased. “I can read you better than I admit.”
Cara huffed, but was clearly amused. “When else?” she asked.
“Right before you left a few days ago,” Kahlan said, her eyes glistening at the memory. “I wanted to say it so badly I thought it might just come out.”
Cara lifted her head and placed a soft kiss against Kahlan’s lips. “When else?” she whispered.
“When I wake up in the morning, when my eyes land on you for the first time every day, when we’re eating breakfast, when you’re on a horse, when we’re eating lunch, when you touch my hand, when we’re walki-“
A gentle finger on her lips cut off the stream of words as Cara looked up at her in wonder.
“You’re right,” Cara said, her voice rough around the edges. “That is a lot.”
Kahlan nodded. “It’s been hard on me,” she said, letting her bottom lip stick out a little.
“I imagine it has,” Cara agreed, nipping at Kahlan’s protruding lip with her teeth. “I suppose now that you’re free to say it, it will be easier.”
“I suppose it will,” Kahlan said with an easy smile. “I love you.”
“I probably won’t say it as often as you,” Cara told her, her eyebrows slanted in worry as she searched Kahlan’s eyes. “But just know that I think it as often as you do. And I feel it as strongly.”
“I don’t need you to say it,” Kahlan whispered, leaning down so that her nose brushed Cara’s. “Knowing that you feel it is enough.”
Cara looked up at her, with an expression similar to the one she wore when she was preparing to go into battle. She held Kahlan’s gaze and opened her mouth.
“I love you, Kahlan Amnell,” she said, her lips turning up as the words were formed, almost surprised at how easily they’d come out. “And please note that I didn’t call you an idiot when I said it.”
“No,” Kahlan said, tears streaming down her face. “You didn’t.”
“But I did make you cry,” Cara said, frowning and wiping at the tears. “Don’t cry.”
“Okay, I won’t cry,” Kahlan said, making no attempt to stop.
A rustling noise from the trees behind them drew their attention away from each other and they froze, waiting for another sound. Kahlan slowly moved off Cara, reaching for the daggers in her boots, as Cara put a hand on one of her agiels, making it sing. They both stood up, facing the trees.
“Who’s there?” Kahlan called. “Come out. We’re armed.”
“Don’t throw anything at me!” It was Richard’s voice.
Kahlan let out a breath of relief, though Cara continued to scowl. Richard appeared with his hands held up in surrender.
“How long have you been there?” Cara asked, she hadn’t reholstered her agiel and continued to brandish it, menacingly.
“Not long,” Richard said, eyeing the weapon. “I was checking the perimeter and I heard voices so I came to see where they were coming from. Then I realised it was the two of you so I was about to leave. And I didn’t hear anything.”
Kahlan narrowed her eyes. “Are you really trying to lie to a confessor? To me, Richard?”
He met her eyes and instantly her anger died at the sadness she saw in him. He tried to paste on his usual grin. “I guess that’s kind of pointless,” he agreed. “Okay, maybe I heard a little, but I wasn’t listening on purpose and we don’t have to talk about what I heard if you’re not ready to.” His eyes flicked to Cara as he spoke.
Turning to Cara, Kahlan braced herself for a denial anything that Richard had heard. Cara did experience a blow to the head earlier. What she didn’t expect was for the blonde to step towards Richard, holstering her weapon.
“I’m...sorry, Richard,” she said. “I’ll understand if you choose to beat me. Or banish me. Whichever you see fit.”
Kahlan was between them before she even realised she had moved, pushing Cara back with a hand on her chest.
“He will do no such thing!” she said, looking back over her shoulder at Richard, to find him looking as shocked as she was. He shook his head.
“Cara, I’m not going to condemn you for falling in love,” he said. “I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t hurt a little. But that’s not your fault, and it’s not Kahlan’s. It just is what it is.”
Kahlan turned back to find Cara looking between herself and Richard. Her gaze finally settled on the Seeker.
“I will still serve you. If you’ll have me.”
Kahlan’s hand slid from Cara’s chest to her shoulder, squeezing in comfort.
“Cara, I’ve never wanted you to serve me. I want what I’ve always wanted; for you to be my friend and to fight alongside me,” Richard said. “That’s all I ask.”
“Then I can give you what you want,” Cara said, solemnly. Kahlan stood aside to let them grasp forearms. Richard kept hold of Cara, pulling her closer to him.
“You should know that if you ever hurt her, you will answer to me,” he said, his face completely serious. Then he broke out into a grin. “Remember, I bested you when we sparred not so long ago.”
Kahlan hid her smile with a cough, but Cara’s face betrayed not a flicker of amusement as she nodded.
“I do remember, Lord Rahl,” she drawled. “But if I ever hurt her, I will answer to me. And I am far more frightening than you.”
Kahlan swallowed down a lump in her throat, but managed an eyeroll at their macho posturing. She placed her own hand over their joined arms and raised an eyebrow at Cara.
“How about we just agree not to hurt each other?” she suggested.
“I like that better,” Richard said, nodding. “But I’ll let the two of you get back to your...conversation.” He squeezed Cara’s arm one final time and then withdrew. Kahlan stopped him as he walked away and leaned in to brush her lips across his cheek.
“Thank you,” she whispered. He smiled at her and disappeared back into the forest to give them some privacy. Kahlan turned to Cara with a smile.
“So, that’s the awkward conversation over with.”
“It would appear so,” Cara agreed. “So now I suppose you wish for us to go back to discussing how we feel.” The lopsided smile she wore indicated that she might not be completely opposed to that.
“We could,” Kahlan said, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around Cara’s waist. “Or we could do this instead.”
She leaned in and met Cara’s lips in a tender kiss, which quickly turned heated. Kahlan felt her magic start to pump in her blood and she pulled Cara closer.
“Not here,” she mumbled, in between kisses. “We’ll wake Zedd.”
Cara gave no answer but bent her knees and lifted Kahlan up, letting her wind her legs around her waist, before stumbling towards a more secluded area.
The Wizard cracked open an eye and smiled.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Wow!!!
Date: 2011-06-28 11:04 pm (UTC)Thanks for writing the sequel, it completes the other story really nicely!!!
Re: Wow!!!
Date: 2011-07-01 05:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-28 11:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 01:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:40 pm (UTC)Zedd knows stuff. I'm sure of it.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:40 pm (UTC)Thank you for the comment!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 08:55 am (UTC)Cara is so adorable, writing while riding to wards her love... AND!: feelings-talk! *melts away*
Thanks so much for this beautiful cuteness!!
no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 01:13 pm (UTC)The journeybook conversations between them are just adorable...Cara falling off her horse whilst writing & trying to get back quicker is both funny & adorkable:)
Loved all their banter - especially over the "endearing" idiot comment..lol
Have to say though it is soooo much easier to open up when you're not face to face...kudos to Cara for being brave enough to admit her feelings and open herself up...oh and i agree she does have an "exceedingly good face"...
Thx for writing this and helping brighten up an otherwise crappy day :)
no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:47 pm (UTC)I'm glad I was able to brighten up your day. Thank you for the kind comment.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 03:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:49 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 06:45 pm (UTC)And of course Cara falling off the horse was hilarious.
I loved this sequel, so many feelings. Cara admitting her feelings is always emotional.
You do have the talent to make Cara and Kahlan's realtionship plausible and cute aaand journeybook!sex... yes.
Thanks for writin' and sharin'.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:50 pm (UTC)Thank you very much for the kind comment.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 08:26 pm (UTC)needs more dragons thoughno subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:50 pm (UTC)Everything needs more dragons.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-30 01:47 am (UTC)I really enjoyed this.
I laughed when Cara fell off her horse!!!!!!!!
I like that she managed to say things in person and that she will try and tolerate all the bubbling 'I love yous' that Kahlan has inside.
Richard took it better than I would have!!
Even Zedd amused me.
“I love you, Kahlan Amnell,” she said, her lips turning up as the words were formed, almost surprised at how easily they’d come out. “And please note that I didn’t call you an idiot when I said it.” Hee and sigh
no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 05:53 pm (UTC)I really enjoyed this. - Good to know :)
I laughed when Cara fell off her horse!!!!!!!! - How awful. Poor Cara, you're not supposed to laugh at her falling on her ass.
I like that she managed to say things in person and that she will try and tolerate all the bubbling 'I love yous' that Kahlan has inside. - With the amount of times she talks about loving Richard, you'd think dating someone as taciturn as Cara would drive Kahlan mad.
Richard took it better than I would have!! - And better than I would have. And better than he would have if you'd written it ;)
Even Zedd amused me. - He got the last laugh.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-04 10:34 pm (UTC)How awful. Poor Cara, you're not supposed to laugh at her falling on her ass. I would apologise but the truth is that I still find it funny.
And better than he would have if you'd written it ;) That is very, very, very true
no subject
Date: 2011-07-02 06:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-02 08:23 am (UTC)Thanks :)
no subject
Date: 2011-07-19 04:37 am (UTC)I really loved everything about it. Cara using the safety and distance afforded by the journeybook, and Kahlan realizing that's what Cara was doing and then calling her on it, only to let her off the hook, only to have Cara summon her courage to honestly speak to Kahlan. Little steps for Cara, first the journeybook, then speaking to Kahlan as she's facing away from Cara, then a direct pledge of her love - awwwww!
You're such a good writer that I can *hear* their voices in your words, and the entire scene and the different inflections of "No" then "Yes" about Cara falling off her horse was a riot. And Richard being okay with it and then everything being fluffy - WIN!
Thanks for sharing! I wonder, how did this Cara and Kahlan first get together? (nudge, nudge, hoping for more of these two, please:))
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 03:13 pm (UTC)As for your question about how they got together...I have no idea! The reason I write established relationship stories is because I find it very difficult to write 'getting together' or 'first time' stories. I'm not terribly original so I bet any picture you have in your head of how they got together is better than anything I could come up with.
Thanks again :)
no subject
Date: 2012-06-28 02:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-29 08:40 am (UTC)The thing about Wizards is not at all familiar to me. Is that a thing from the books?