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thegirl20Title: Saying things we haven't for a while
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
the_girl_20
Pairing: Emma Pillsbury/Terri Del Monaco
Word Count: ~19,000 (written for the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
gleefsbigbang)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A love affair that started in high school hits a rocky patch. Told in a series of flashbacks and present day snippets.
Thanks to:voodoochild_101 and faithinthepoor <3
Graphics by:orange_creative
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. This is for fun and not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended
“It’s me. I know it’s me.”
Emma Pillsbury resists the urge to sigh as Terri throws yet another pregnancy test into the trash. Negative. Emma hates that word, always has, but recently it’s taken on a whole new level of hatred.
“Sweetheart, it’s not you,” Emma assures her. “We’ve been tested, there’s nothing stopping us from getting pregnant.”
“Then why aren’t we?” Terri demands, throwing her hands up in frustration.
She sits down on the closed lid of the toilet and puts her head in her hands.
“We can’t keep doing this forever,” she mutters, not raising her head to look at Emma. “I can’t take it.”
Emma comes to kneel in front of her, leaning in to kiss the top of her head, leaving her nose buried in Terri’s hair.
“I know, honey,” she whispers. “But we have other options if this doesn’t work. We’ll get there.”
Terri starts to raise her head, slowly and Emma pulls back enough to let her. Terri looks at her with weary eyes.
“Do you promise?” she asks, her voice small.
“I promise,” Emma tells her with conviction.
Because she does believe it. They’ve been together for fifteen years and this little setback isn’t going to stop them from being happy. Emma is a fixer. This is a problem, and Emma will fix it. She has to.
Terri raises a small smile.
“Pinky swear?” she asks, sitting up more and holding out her hand.
Emma smiles back and links their pinkies together.
In high school, Emma was not a popular kid. She wasn’t unpopular either. She was just kind of a non-entity. She was the weird girl who didn’t like germs. She had accepted her problem and adapted her life to suit. She didn’t go places that were dirty. She brought everything she needed to eat from home. She spent most of her time in the library, away from the dustier sections. Apart from the occasional taunt, she survived in near anonymity and went about her daily life without interruption from friends or enemies. Until one day.
For some unknown reason, the captain of the girls’ hockey team, Doris Bleekley, decided that it would be fun to get the whole team to corner Emma and torture her with the sweaty uniforms they’d taken off after practice. She didn’t know what was happening until she turned around to find the whole team surrounding her holding up their soiled garments, a sea of red and white.
Emma’s mind went into overdrive and then completely blank as she backed into a corner, trying to get away from the sight and the odour. Just as she was to faint, she heard a voice cut through the jeering. The next thing she knew, the team had turned around and Doris was on the floor, having her face rubbed into her own shirt by Terri Del Monaco; captain of the cheerleading squad. The rest of the team deferred to Terri’s status in the school and backed off, even though Terri was quite clearly debasing their leader.
Emma watched in equal parts horror and gratitude as Terri stood back up, dusting her hands on her cheerleading skirt.
“You make sure you pick on people who can fight back in future, okay?” she said, nudging Doris in the ribs with her toe.
She didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, she reached out and grabbed Emma’s elbow, pulling her away from the crowd and out into the hallway. Emma could barely breathe and she found herself thrown against a wall. Terri’s face was very close to her own and Emma’s emotions were swimming. It had been years since she’d been in such close proximity with anyone, let alone the most popular girl in school.
“You gotta stand up for yourself, germ girl,” Terri told her, matter-of-factly. “Don’t let people push you around like that.”
Emma found herself nodding dumbly, unable to speak. Terri shook her head and started to move away. For once in her life, Emma didn’t want someone to leave her alone.
“Why did you do that?” she called after her.
Terri turned back to face her with a concerned expression.
“I...don’t really know. You just...you just looked like you needed help,” she explained, playing with the hem on her skirt. “Plus, I hate those hockey sluts.”
“Thank you,” Emma let out a long breath. “Nobody else would’ve done that for me.”
Terri made a tutting noise with her tongue.
“Well, you should try to get some friends...people who have your back,” she said, gruffly. “It helps round here.”
Emma’s eyes dropped to the floor. She’d never had friends. She didn’t know how to start looking for them. But she lifted her head and nodded with a smile.
“Thanks, I...I’ll try,” she says.
Terri rolled her eyes.
“Jesus, okay, consider me your friend,” she said, holding out her hand. “Terri De-“
“Del Monaco,” Emma finished for her, looking at Terri’s hand like it might bite her at any second.
But this girl had just jumped into a baying mob to save her. So she swallowed her fears and grasped Terri’s hand tightly. The feeling of skin on skin was almost electric. Emma didn’t feel the revulsion she normally did when she came into contact with something she hadn’t scrubbed. Terri’s hand was soft and warm and Emma gasped at the touch.
She looked up to see Terri’s head cocked to the side and an amused smile playing at her lips.
“You know me?” she asked.
“Everybody knows you. You’re like, the most popular girl in school,” Emma told her in a rush, then clamped her lips shut, along with her eyes. She sounded like a groupie.
Terri just laughed softly.
“Well, I guess I am a minor celebrity round here,” she admitted. “I’ve seen you around but I don’t know your name. No offence.”
Emma forced her eyes back open, but could do nothing to stop the blush that was rapidly spreading across her face and down her neck.
“E...Emma. My name’s Emma,” she managed to get out.
“Nice to meet you, Emma,” Terri said.
They realised at the same time that they were still holding hands. Terri pulled her hand away and Emma let her, but she didn’t want to let go. That tenuous human contact left her craving more.
Her high school existence got a little easier after that, first as the friend of the Head Cheerleader, then her best friend, then, just before the summer of Junior Year, her girlfriend.
Emma smiles at the memories. They’ve been together ever since. Through thick and thin. Emma’s never imagined that anything could come between them. But this having a baby thing seems to be taking its toll. Emma tries to concentrate on the papers in front of her, but can’t get past the first few sentences before having to go back and read over them again. She can’t think of anything but Terri.
She’s relieved when a knock on her office door lets her look away from the paperwork. She lifts her head and sees a man she doesn’t recognise on the other side of the door. He has curly hair and a ready smile. He’s wearing scuffed boots and a shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Emma smiles and beckons him in.
“Can I help you?” she asks, gesturing for him to take a seat.
“Maybe,” he says, holding out his hand to shake hers. “I’m Will Schuester, the new Spanish teacher?”
“Oh! Of course,” Emma says, chastising herself for forgetting the new member of staff. “You’re replacing Ms Fernandez. It’s nice to meet you.”
She shakes his hand firmly and he offers her an easy grin before taking a seat across the desk from her.
“You too, I figured you’d be the person to come talk to to get a feel for the kids and the school, you know?” he says, his voice brimming with enthusiasm. “I’m taking on the Glee Club too.”
“Oh. Wow,” Emma says, a fixed smile in place. “That’s…adventurous.”
Will laughs, his face falling into creases to show that it’s something he does often. Emma finds her false smile slipping into a genuine one.
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Will says, holding his hands up. “Figgins already told me it was a sinking ship. But I was in Glee when I was in high school and it can be a really great experience for kids. Gives them confidence and self-assurance. And it’s fun.”
Emma is nodding along, her smile growing.
“Well, I think it’s great that you want to do that for the kids,” she says. “Too many of the teachers in this school don’t actually care about the kids’ welfare, you know?”
She’s thinking of Sue Sylvester in particular, but any number of the teachers give off the impression of only being there to pick up the pay packet at the end of the month. It’s something that irks Emma to no end. The primary reason she wanted to become a guidance counsellor was to help kids like she herself had been. There hadn’t been anyone she felt she could turn to. It’s refreshing to see someone so committed to making sure that the kids turn out well rounded and self confident.
“Isn’t that why we’re here?” Will asks, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“You’d think,” she agrees. “Not everyone would agree with you.”
“Well, that’s what I’m here for,” Will asserts. “And something tells me you are too.”
She blushes a little, looking down at her desk, nodding to answer his question. Yes, she’s here to make things a little better for the kids of William McKinley than they were when she was a student. There are times when she questions her ability to do that. But mostly she feels like she’s making a difference. And that feels wonderful.
Will smiles again and then stands, leaning on Emma’s desk, his head cocked to the side, almost shy.
“I…could I maybe sit with you at lunch?” he asks, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. “I’ve been eating in my office because I don’t really know anybody…I tried sitting with Ken Tanaka but he just keeps suggesting that we go pick up girls in bars together…that’s not really my scene.”
Emma is surprised by the request, but tries not to show it. Will doesn’t strike her as the kind of guy who would find it difficult to make friends.
“Oh, sure! Sure!” she says, nodding emphatically. “That’d be…lovely. We can talk more about Glee Club, maybe.”
“I’d like that. And maybe we can get to know each other a little better. It’d be nice to have a friend here,” he admits with another shy smile that makes her feel uncomfortable, though she can’t quite pinpoint why. “You didn’t even tell me your name.”
“Gosh, I…I’m so sorry, I…my name is E-“
“Emma Pillsbury, I know,” he says, laughing gently. “I was just kidding.”
Again, she’s blushing, flustered even. He gives her a reprieve.
“I’ll see you at lunch, then, Emma Pillsbury,” he throws over his shoulder as he opens the door.
“Yes. It was nice to meet you, Will Schuester,” she replies, her mouth curling into a smile, despite the redness still in her cheeks.
“Hasta la vista,” he says, pausing in the doorway. “You speak Spanish?”
She shrugs.
“Only a little,” she admits. “I prefer French.”
He winks at her before letting the door swing closed behind him. Emma sits down heavily in her seat, her brow creased up in thought. She’s not sure why meeting a new faculty member has left her feeling uneasy. It never has before. But there’s something about Will Schuester that sets her on edge.
They were standing by Terri’s locker one day, Terri was applying her lipstick in the mirror she kept on the back of her locker door and Emma was wondering why she was so fixated on Terri’s lips. She told herself that she was trying to figure out what colour of lipstick she used. Even she wasn’t convinced. But before she had too long to think about it, Johnny Campbell, the quarterback, came along and closed the locker door. Terri scowled at him.
“Jerk,” she muttered, opening the door again.
“You don’t need all that junk to be the hottest girl in school,” Johnny said, leaning against the locker next to Terri’s, pretty much standing in front of Emma.
“I know that,” Terri said, blotting her lips on a Kleenex.
“So…am I gonna see you at the game tonight?” he asked, and Emma tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach.
She’d started to get it whenever anybody else spoke to Terri. It was a kind of fear. Fear that Terri would find someone more fun, more interesting, more normal. But Terri generally calmed her fears without ever realising it.
“Well, duh, Johnny,” Terri said, rolling her eyes. “I’m the head cheerleader. Kinda required to be at football games.”
He nodded, as if this hadn’t occurred to him.
“Cool, well…maybe we can go get a burger after the game or somethin’?” he continued, apparently oblivious to Terri’s obvious dislike of him.
“No, I go to Emma’s after games,” she told him, closing her locker and linking her arm with Emma’s as they start to walk down the hall.
“Another time, maybe?” he called after them.
Terri didn’t even bother to respond, just rolled her eyes at Emma. Emma giggled, but quickly sobered.
“You know…you don’t have to come to my place after games…you should go out with your friends,” she said. “I mean…Johnny’s cute, and he’s not the only guy who’s asked you out. Why do you never say yes? I mean, isn’t it some kind of rule that the head cheerleader and the quarterback date each other?”
Terri didn’t look at Emma, just kept them both walking.
“Johnny’s pretty, but he’s dumb like sand,” she said. “And I like spending time with you after the games. I see everybody else during the game.”
Emma noticed that Terri didn’t address the fact that she wasn’t dating anyone, and hadn’t dated anyone the entire time Emma had been hanging out with her.
“Hey…you should come to a game,” Terri was saying, drawing Emma out of her musings.
“What?” Emma said, coming to an abrupt halt. “Uh…I…n-no…I mean…there are so many people and they’re all around and close and…”
“I could get you a seat down in the front?” Terri suggested. “You can watch me cheer?”
Emma didn’t want to appear disinterested in Terri’s hobbies so she agreed. And she was almost positive it had nothing to do with wanting to see Terri jump up and down.
After watching Terri jump up and down for a while, Emma was a little less positive about her motives. It seemed pointless to deny it to herself any longer.
She had a crush on Terri.
Admitting it out loud, or in her head at least, was more of a relief than anything else. It allowed her to explore the thoughts she’d been having. It allowed her to let her eyes trail up Terri’s toned calves, past her knees and up her thighs to the hem of her short skirt and not to explain away the warm, tingly feeling she got from it. It allowed her to watch Terri bounce up and down and not have to try to avert her eyes from her chest. It allowed her to feel what she’d been feeling for a long time.
After that, Emma didn’t watch a single minute of the game, her eyes were on Terri the whole time. Occasionally Terri looked to the stand and winked or waved at Emma. Emma blushed and gave tiny waves back, looking around to see if anyone was watching.
After the game, Terri came bounding over to her, a huge smile lighting up her face.
“So?” she panted, still breathless from their last cheer. “What did you think? Did you enjoy it?”
Emma nodded, seemingly unable to form words. She opened her mouth to attempt to say something witty and intelligent, but found that her teeth were chattering. Terri frowned. She reached up and brushed her knuckles over Emma’s cheek..
“Jesus, you’re freezing!” she said, shrugging out of her letterman jacket and holding it up for Emma to put on.
“N…no…I…I’m not c…cold,” Emma stammered, although she was beginning to realise that she was cold.
Very cold. The warm fuzzy feelings she’d been having about Terri during the game had blinded her to the fact that she was freezing. Terri was shaking her head.
“Put it on,” she said, in a tone that invited no argument. “I don’t want you dying and then blaming me for making you come here.”
Emma turned around, slowly, and allowed Terri to help her put the jacket on. Immediately she was surrounded by Terri’s scent, Terri’s warmth. She pulled the jacket around herself, wrapping herself up in the smell of Terri, not even thinking about the hazards of sharing clothes. She smiled.
“Thank you, Terri,” she said, her voice quiet. “And you were really awesome tonight…really.”
Terri grinned.
“Of course I was,” she said with a wink. “I am the best mover they ha-“
“Oooooh, gonna ask her to prom, Del Monaco?”
Emma ducked her head at the voice coming from behind her, looking up through her eyelashes to gauge Terri’s reaction. Whoever had spoken was silenced by Terri’s icy glare and Emma felt a tiny bit pleased that Terri hadn’t actually said that she wasn’t going to ask Emma to prom. Nor had she removed her hand from Emma’s arm.
“Well,” Terri said, her eyes still focussed somewhere over Emma’s shoulder. “She’s moving to the bottom of the pyramid, effective immediately.”
Emma smiled, still clutching Terri’s jacket around her.
“I…uh….I’m warmer now,” she said. “You can have this back.”
Terri looked at her for a moment before shaking her head.
“Nah, looks good on you,” she said, finally. “Keep it on.”
So Emma did.
“So, no wedding ring? You can’t be single,” Will says, one lunchtime around a mouthful of ham sandwich.
Her mouth forms an ‘o’ shape and he closes his eyes.
“God, Em, I’m sorry. That was rude,” he says, fixing her with a sincere look of apology. “I think Ken Tanaka is rubbing off on me.”
He’s taken to calling her ‘Em’. It doesn’t particularly bother her, but she notices it each and every time. She brushes off his apology.
“No, it wasn’t rude, I’m just surprised it never came up before I guess,” she says. “I’m…not officially married, but I’ve been with my partner for fifteen years so I guess we’re pretty much an old married couple in everything but name.”
Will raises his eyebrows and whistles.
“Wow, fifteen years? And he hasn’t married you yet?” he jokes. “Isn’t he afraid some idiot will come along and see your bare ring finger and make a stupid remark about it?”
Emma chuckles, concentrating on her sandwich a little too hard.
“I don’t think she’s particularly worried about it,” she says, bringing her eyes up to meet Will’s and laughing softly at the expression he’s wearing. “Have I shocked you?”
Will recovers quickly, stuttering a little, hurrying to cover up his faux pas.
“Shocked? No! No, of cour-…I mean, I’m surprised I guess but…no, it’s…totally cool, of course it’s cool, why would you need me to tell you it’s cool, right? I’m…” he fumbles around for something to say but Emma steps in.
“It’s okay, Will,” she tells him. “I’m used to shocking people. Small town lesbian…kinda comes with the territory.”
Will is nodding, grateful for the out.
“No…that’s….you’ve been together for fifteen years? So, from high school?” he asks.
Emma nods.
“Yep, we’re high school sweethearts,” she says, rolling her eyes, but smiling. “She was my first girlfriend. My first real friend, actually.”
“That’s really sweet,” Will says, biting into a cookie and chewing with a grin. “It’s not too often you hear that these days.”
She acknowledges the compliment with a nod and a smile.
“Yeah,” she suddenly feels the need to change the subject. “So…how about you? No wedding ring? You can’t tell me you’re single?”
There’s a clear teasing tone in her voice and he laughs.
“Afraid so,” he confirms. “Haven’t found that special somebody yet. We can’t all meet the love of our life at high school,” he teases in return.
“No, I guess not,” she agrees, her smile a little wistful.
Their first kiss was the most romantic thing Emma had ever experienced. It truly was like something out of a movie. She’d known for months that she had feelings for Terri. But she’ assumed that they’d be forever unrequited. And she’d accepted that. Almost. She’d learned to live with it, at the very least. But it turned out she was wrong.
They were arguing over something stupid. They often did. They had opposing views on almost everything. While, in the beginning of their friendship, Emma never felt confident enough to express anything other than total agreement, she soon saw that disagreeing with Terri was something they both enjoyed. They got a kick out of debating everything from politics to the relative merits of Ross and Joey on ‘Friends’. (In reality, Emma preferred Rachel, but she wasn’t quite ready to share that with Terri.) But on this particular day the argument turned into something quite different.
“Terri, learning a language isn’t dumb…it’s a useful skill to have…you’ll be glad you learned French the first time you find yourself in a Parisian café, needing to ask where the bathrooms are,” Emma said, poking Terri in the side with her pencil.
“Yeah, like that’s gonna happen every other week,” Terri grumbled, doodling hearts in the margin of her homework. “And even if it did…I could get my message across.”
Emma shook her head, turning back to her own book.
“That is not a mime I’d like to see, Terri Del Monaco,” she murmured, reading through the next set of questions.
“Anyway,” Terri said. “If I was in Paris, you’d probably be there too and you’re a whizkid at French so I don’t really need to learn this stuff.”
Emma stopped writing and looked over at Terri, who was concentrating hard on adding shading to one of the hearts she’d sketched. Emma nudged her with her shoulder.
“You’d take me to Paris with you?” she asked, blushing a little.
Terri looked up from her drawing, her eyebrows drawing together.
“That sounds like I’d be paying…” she said. “I said you’d probably be there. Like…if we go travelling when we finish college or something. Then you can talk your way around Europe and I’ll let you.”
Emma grinned, knowing this was Terri’s way of asking her if this was something she’d like to do.
“That sounds fair,” Emma decides. “As long as you trust me to order food that you like and not have you ending up eating snails and fro-“
She shuddered, unable to even say it. The thought of that kind of food made her feel ill. She returned to her homework, trying to block out the thoughts of slimy disgusting frogs’ legs.
“You’re right,” Terri said, cutting into her thoughts. “I probably should apply myself. Can’t have me going round Europe just eating in McDonalds.”
Emma was grateful for the subtle change of direction. She bumped her shoulder against Terri’s again.
“I don’t know why you even kid about this,” she said. “We both know you have a perfect G.P.A…I don’t know why you play the dumb blonde. You’re not.”
“Oui, c’est vrai. Je suis très intelligente,” Terri said. “Toutefois, tu sais que mes amies n’aiment pas quand on est enthousiasmé par l’école.”
Emma rolled her eyes.
“Oui, oui, ma chérie,” she said, before she could catch herself. “Uh…”
Normally Terri would make fun of her slip and she would blush and they would move on. But Terri’s eyes remained fixed on her French book, meaning Emma’s statement was left hanging between them. Emma suppressed a sigh and tried to concentrate on French verbs. They worked in silence for what seemed like forever to Emma. She silently chastised herself for letting her feelings leak into everything. The last thing she wanted was to ruin her friendship with Terri,
“Emma?” Terri spoke first.
“Uh huh?” Emma said, keeping her eyes on the book.
“How do you conjugate ‘aimer’?” Terri asked, her voice sounding strange, hesitant.
Emma’s brow creased.
“Terri, that’s an easy one…it’s regular,” she said. “It’s j'aime tu aimes…”
Terri reached over and covered Emma’s lips with her finger.
“Je t’aime,” she whispered, and then replaced her finger with her own lips.
Emma thought she might actually explode from sensory overload. She’d never been kissed before, she’d never had anyone tell her they loved her before (aside from her family who totally didn’t count because it wasn’t the same), she’d never had anyone tell her they loved her in French before; it was beyond her wildest romantic dreams. She’d never believed she could let anyone close enough to do any of this.
When Terri drew away, she looked more scared than Emma had ever seen her. Emma did the only thing she could think of.
“Moi aussi, je t’aime,” she whispered
Emma thought she might actually die of happiness in that moment. And if she had, she wouldn’t have cared. But instead of dying, she reached up and cupped Terri’s face with both hands, drawing her in for their second kiss.
Terri would joke for years that it was a French kiss in more ways than one.
“Some of the teachers from school have put together a band…they’re playing tonight,” Emma begins as they’re clearing up after dinner. “I thought we could maybe go along, support them.”
“The teachers?” Terri asks, absently, reaching up to put away the plates. “Isn’t that what the kids are supposed to be doing? Putting together lame bands that they think will bring them fame and fortune?”
Emma shrugs, a little stung by the derision in Terri’s voice.
“I just thought it might be fun. Something different. Something to get us out of the house,” she mutters.
Terri sighs and turns around, walking over to Emma and taking her hands, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “It’s like…everything makes me want to snap right now. And you’re the last person I should be snapping at. You’re the one who has to put up with me.”
Emma shakes her head, pulling Terri against her, smiling into her neck, feeling right for the first time in days.
“Terri, I don’t put up with you,” she murmurs. “I love you.”
Terri squeezes her tighter before lifting her head. She smiles, bringing her hand up to sweep a stray hair from Emma’s brow.
“We should go to the band thing,” she says. “You’re right. It’ll be nice to go out together. Forget about…stuff…for the night.”
Emma nods and leans in to kiss Terri, a quick, chaste brush of lips together. She draws back, smiling.
“Okay, but I should warn you…Howard Bamboo’s in the band,” she confides.
“Oh Jesus!”
They sit together in the darkened auditorium, holding hands as they watch the performance. Terri leans over to Emma.
“’I wanna sex you up’? Is this really appropriate for a PTA event?” she whispers.
Emma glances over to where Figgins is swaying happily, his eyes firmly closed. She shrugs, turning her head so that her lips are brushing Terri’s ear as she speaks.
“Is it really the song choice you find inappropriate? Or is it Ken’s dancing?”
Terri laughs softly.
“Both,” she confirms, her eyes landing, not for the first time, on the charismatic lead singer. “Who’s the new guy?”
Emma, for some reason, finds herself blushing, and is thankful for the dimmed lights.
“That’s Will Schuester. The new Spanish teacher? I told you about him,” she says, although she knows she only mentioned him in passing.
Terri continues to watch him, nodding.
“Yeah…yeah, I remember you saying somethi-…” her voice trails off as the song ends and Will blows a kiss into the crowd, which, for all intents and purposes looks like it was aimed directly at Emma.
Terri turns to her with an eyebrow raised.
“Well, looks like you have an admirer,” she murmurs.
Emma can tell that she’s trying to be casual, but there’s an underlying tone to the comment. One she doesn’t like one bit. She shrugs.
“I sit with him at lunch, he’s new in town, I don’t think he knows anybody else yet,” she says, while at the same time wondering why she needs to explain someone else’s actions.
“Uh huh,” is all Terri says in return, but her hand tightens around Emma’s.
After the show there is a short cheese and wine thing. Emma chats with various parents she knows while Terri forsakes the cheese in favour of the wine. Emma spots Will as he appears through the stage door. He catches her eye and lifts his hand in greeting. Almost immediately, she feels Terri’s arm around her waist and she suppresses the urge to roll her eyes. Terri’s always been a little territorial, she basically started their relationship as Emma’s self-appointed protector and she’s never really given that up.
Will makes his way over, grinning widely at Emma.
“Hey! Did you see the crowd? They loved us!” he raves and Emma can’t help but share his enthusiasm.
“Yeah, it was a great show, wasn’t it sweetie?” she says, turning to Terri, bringing her into the conversation.
“Huh? Oh yeah, you guys were really good,” Terri says. “You were really good.”
Will holds out his hand.
“Terri, I presume?” he says, shaking her hand firmly. “Emma’s told me all about you…but she failed to mention that you were gorgeous.”
Terri raises at eyebrow at his blatant flattery.
“Oh yeah? I guess we’ve been together too long for her to notice anymore,” she says, smiling as she withdraws her hand from Will’s grip.
Emma frowns.
“Of course I notice,” she mutters.
Will clears his throat, a little awkwardly.
“Well, it’s really great to meet you,” he says, before turning to Emma. “I’ll see you at lunch on Monday, Em?”
Emma nods.
“I’ll see you at school. Good job, Will…” Emma says.
He gives both of them a final nod and then disappears into the crowd. Emma takes a deep breath and turns to Terri.
“Ready to go home?” she asks.
Terri takes time to drain the wine glass in her hand before answering.
“Sure, let’s go…Em,” she says, linking her fingers with Emma’s.
Emma lets the nickname pass without comment. Terri never calls her that. They make their way out of the building and are walking towards the parking lot, when Terri pulls Emma to a halt. Emma stumbles a little and ends up in Terri’s arms. She giggles a little in surprise. Terri leans in so that her nose is against Emma’s cheek.
“Remember how you used to drag me under the bleachers to make out with me before big games?” she whispers.
“No,” Emma says, walking her fingers up Terri’s chest. “That’s not how I remember it at all. I remember you dragging me under there. I protested! Every time!”
“No you didn’t,” Terri says, bending her neck and nipping at Emma’s earlobe.
“Okay, maybe not every time,” Emma relents, tilting her head and shivering as Terri moves to cover her pulse point with her lips. “But I did always try to make sure you didn’t miss the start of the cheers.”
She feels Terri smiles against her skin and gently brings her hand to Terri’s face, bringing her up so they’re looking into each other’s eyes. Emma lets a devilish smile cross her lips.
“You wanna drag me under there now? For old times’ sake?” she asks, her voice taking on a husky quality.
Terri smiles in return, unwinding her arms from Emma’s waist and taking her hand, pulling her in the direction of the football field. Emma laughs, shaking her head.
“Shhhh,” Terri warns. “We don’t want security coming and busting us.”
When they get under the bleachers, Emma takes the lead and pushes Terri back against a post, leaning in and kissing her hard. She closes her eyes, concentrating on the feel of her body against Terri’s, the faint taste of wine on her tongue. Terri’s hand comes to rest on her face, her thumb stroking the skin of her cheek. Emma draws away, gently, dropping soft kisses around Terri’s mouth.
“You used to be wearing less,” she drawls.
“A lot less,” Terri agrees, bumping her nose against Emma’s. “Take me home and I’ll wear as little as you like. I think I still have my uniform somewhere...”
“I miss this,” Emma says, suddenly.
Terri looks at her in confusion.
“What? Making out under the bleachers?” she asks, pecking Emma’s lips again.
“No. Us,” Emma clarifies. “Us…together…like this.”
Terri draws away, letting her hands slip from Emma’s body.
“We are together. We’ve always been together,” she says, her voice quiet.
“No, I know…I…” Emma hurriedly rushes to explain. “But I feel…lately…like we’re different.”
Terri looks at her for a long moment before nodding once. She steps away from Emma and starts walking back towards the car. Emma sighs.
Their first date was weird and kind of awkward. They’d been out tons of times before; to the movies, to restaurants, to dances. But this time it was a date and this seemed to throw both of them for a loop.
Terri was twenty minutes late. Emma had convinced herself after ten that Terri wasn’t coming. She’d almost gone to take her nice new dress off, but her mother had told her not to be silly, that Terri would be there. So she waited. When the doorbell sounded, Emma was up and out of her seat like a rocket. So much for playing hard to get. She opened the door to find Terri smiling at her nervously.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” Terri said. “I…changed…a couple of times.”
Emma’s eyes took in Terri’s appearance. She was wearing a simple black dress, accessorised with silver jewellery and a silver clutch bag. She was stunning. Emma looked down at her own yellow sundress and bit her lip. She felt so unsophisticated standing next to Terri.
“Should I…I should change,” she said, stepping backwards. “I’ll go change.”
Terri reached out to grasp Emma’s wrist.
“No,” she said. “You look really…nice. I mean…lovely. Jesus…I’m not used to this complimenting people thing.”
Emma laughed softly.
“No, you’re not great at it,” she agreed. “You look gorgeous. Are…are you sure I don’t need to change…because I wasn’t sure where we were going so I…”
“Emma, you look perfect,” Terri broke in. “You don’t have to change. You never have to change for me.”
Emma blushed and looked down at her shoes, lifting her eyes to look through her lashes at Terri.
“Wow, you’re getting better at the complimenting thing already,” she managed to get out.
Terri grinned.
“I’ve always been a quick learner,” she said. “You know that.”
She brought her hand out from behind her back.
“I got you these,” she said, thrusting a bouquet of flowers into Emma’s hand. “It’s totally corny, I know. Sorry.”
“Terri, they’re lovely!” Emma assured her, bringing the blooms to her nose to inhale their scent.
Almost immediately, she started sneezing. And she didn’t’ stop. Terri quickly removed the bouquet from her hand.
“Oh my God, do you have allergies? I…didn’t know that? Did I? Did you tell me and I forgot? Shit…I’m so sorry,” she babbled while moving past Emma into the house and disposing of the flowers in the trash.
Emma, after getting the sneezing under control, shook her head.
“I didn’t tell you…mainly because I didn’t know…” she said, rubbing her nose with a tissue and wiping under her eyes in an attempt to save her make up. “I’ve never…that’s never happened before.”
Terri rolled her eyes.
“Great,” she murmured. “So I managed to pick out the only flowers in the world that make you sneeze.”
“It’s fine, I’m fine,” Emma told her, though her nose now sounded slightly stuffy and her eyes were a little swollen.
Terri sighed and kissed Emma’s cheek.
“Should we go? We’re gonna be late…because I was late.”
Emma nodded, butterflies seemingly having a party in her stomach.
“Sure, let’s go.
Terri reached out and took Emma’s hand, leading her out of the house and down the walk to where her car was parked on the street. She opened the door for Emma and waited for her to get in and get comfortable. Emma didn’t realise that Terri was still holding the door when she pulled it shut; closing it on Terri’s little finger. Terri’s howl of pain alerted her to this fact.
“Oh! Oh! Terri! I…” Emma said, fumbling with the door handle, trying to get the door open and eventually managing it.
“Sonofa…” Terri hissed, putting her injured hand under her opposite armpit and turning away.
Emma got back out of the car and tentatively reached out to touch Terri’s shoulder.
“Terri…are you okay?” she asked.
“Mmmmhmmmm,” came the reply.
“I’m so sorry…I didn’t realise…I…” Emma stammered, mortified at what she had done. “Can I…do you want me to take a look at it?”
“It’s fine,” Terri said, examining the finger for herself.
She turned around and held it up for Emma to see. It was obvious that the finger was going to bruise badly, but Terri could still wiggle it, so it didn’t look like it was broken.
“I’m sorry,” Emma whispered.
“It’s fine,” Terri said, again. “It’s only the little one…and what would I even use that for, right? Apart from maybe pinky swearing.”
Emma gently took Terri’s hand into her own, lifting it to her lips and kissing the damaged digit. She raised her eyes to meet Terri’s and saw that she was smiling.
“It’s all better now,” Terri said. “C’mon, we’re so late.”
They were late, and because they were late, the restaurant had given away their table and they ended up sitting at a tiny, cramped table right next to the kitchen. It was noisy and the kitchen door kept hitting the back of Terri’s chair when the waiters bustled through with huge trays of food.
The restaurant offered Eastern European fare. Terri had chosen it because it seemed exotic and chic. However, the menus were written in Czechoslovakian or something similar, and neither of them had any clue what the dishes were. Emma’s nerves brought out her OCD, which, since meeting Terri and being brought more into school and social life, had been getting much, much better. But she found herself polishing the silverware with her napkin, only stopping when she noticed Terri watching her, a slight crease between her eyebrows indicating her worry.
The food came and turned out to be less than desirable. Cabbage appeared to be the main ingredient. Terri poked what seemed to be the meat on her plate with some trepidation. She glanced over at Emma’s.
“How’s yours?” she asked.
“It’s…uh…” Emma searched for something to say as she moved the food around her plate. “Interesting.”
“Yeah…mine too,” Terri said in understanding, trying to make it look as if she’d eaten something, the waiters were terrifying.
“So…what did you do today?” Emma asked.
“I had practise this morning,” Terri said. “You know. Regionals.”
Emma nodded. She did know. She also knew that Terri had gone to practice practise and that she had gone to her Nana’s afterwards and then to the mall. Because they’d spoken on the phone in the afternoon and Terri had told her all of this. And it had been a hell of a lot easier than the dinner conversation.
“Was it cold…this morning?” she prompted.
When Emma realised that she had just asked Terri about the weather, she knew things were pretty bad.
“It was…kinda cold, yeah, I guess…for the time of year” Terri said, looking like she’d come to the same conclusion.
The rest of dinner passed in much he same manner and when Terri was settling up the check, Emma went outside because she needed air. She stood in the twilight, taking deep breaths. She was absolutely positive they were going to break up. Something just wasn’t working and she couldn’t understand it. As friends they’d been amazing. She heard the door open and steeled herself for the inevitable tone in Terri’s voice.
Terri came and stood next to her, looking up at the sky. When she spoke, there was no apology in her voice, no awkwardness either.
“So…that was a bust, huh? Wanna go make out in my car?”
A smile broke over Emma’s lips and she turned to face Terri, finding her already smiling back.
“That sounds perfect,” Emma said. “I think I’d really like that.”
Terri laughed in relief.
“Good.”
She took Emma’s hand and they started walking to the car.
“For our next date, let’s avoid anything with foreign menus,” Terri mused, swinging their joined hands between them.
The words ‘next date’ gave Emma a warm feeling low in her belly and she let go of Terri’s hand, wrapping both of her arms around Terri’s arm instead, leaning her head on her shoulder.
“And I’m not bringing you flowers,” Terri continued, eliciting a giggle from Emma.
“And I can open doors for you, but I’m letting you close them by yourself,” she finished, just as they reached the car.
Emma turned around and planted a kiss on Terri’s lips, letting her hands drift down Terri’s arm and around to her back, pulling her in against her.
“That sounds fair,” she told her. “And thank you for tonight. It was…well, it helped us decide on what we want for our next date. Which will be perfect.”
Terri smiled a bashful smile, but it soon turned impish.
“Pinky swear?” she said, holding up her now impressively purple little finger.
Emma grinned, and very gently linked their pinkies together.
Since they decided to try and get pregnant, their lovemaking has become less frequent. The irony of this is not lost on Emma. She’s still sometimes a little sad that they can’t ‘make a baby’ that’s part of both of them. But they picked out the donor together and Terri insisted on him having red-hair and brown eyes. The act itself is not exactly romantic, but they’ve opted to do it themselves. Emma makes sure everything is clean and Terri makes jokes about basting a turkey and they get through it. They’ve tried a few times, and nothing. It’s frustrating to say the least. Especially because Terri takes all the blame on herself, even though Emma assures her that there is no blame to be apportioned.
“Can I ask you a favour?”
The words draw her eyes away from her screen where she’s organising her e-mail folders. Or, rather, she’s reorganising them. It’s something she does when she needs to think. But her thoughts are jumbled and confusing and she thinks she’s probably actually disorganising them right now.
Will’s head is poked in her door, his body still in the hallway. She smiles and beckons him in, glad of the distraction.
“Sure,” she says as he seats himself opposite her. “Ask away, I’ll try to be as much help as I can.”
He leans forward, his elbows on her desk, his face completely serious. She begins to worry about what he might be about to ask. Then he breaks into a grin and she smiles nervously in response.
“How do you feel about being a judge?” he asks.
“A…judge?” she says, her eyebrows drawing together. “Wh..what kind of judge? What would I be judging? Because I don’t really like to be judgy…I mean, in my position I try to treat everybo-“
“Emma…Emma,” he interrupts her babbling with a soft smile. “I’m having the kids compete against each other, boys against girls. They…well, Rachel, insisted that I get a woman judge to cancel out my natural bias toward the boys.”
“And…and you thought of me?” she says, touched. “But I…I’m not exactly an expert on music, Will.”
“You are the most honest and impartial person I know…you’re perfect.”
“You’ve obviously never played Scrabble with her. Talk about a cheater?”
Emma actually jumps out of her seat a little at the unexpected voice. She looks up to find Terri standing in the doorway. She’s smiling but her eyes are cold. It’s an expression that’s generally reserved for when she’s around her mother. Emma hates it. Will doesn’t seem to notice and he laughs, turning to Terri.
“She cheats at Scrabble? Really?” he asks, his easy grin firmly in place as he glances back at Emma.
She tries to smile back at him, but her eyes are on Terri as she slinks into the room, all fluid limbs and predatory eyes.
“Oh totally,” Terri tells Will. “She tries to peek at the letters before she takes them, she makes up rules to suit herself, she changes the score when she thinks I’m not looking…it’s ridiculous, really.”
Emma’s smile is tentative and she shakes her head.
“That’s you, honey,” she says as Terri arrives by her chair.
“Oh yeah, that’s me,” Terri says, and then leans down for a kiss that lasts longer than propriety dictates when there’s someone else watching.
Emma gently pushes her away with a hand on her shoulder. She looks at Will and bites her lip, he’s looking anywhere but at the two of them.
“What…uh…what brings you here?” Emma asks, standing up and crossing her arms over her chest, putting a little distance between herself and Terri without really knowing why.
“You left your lunch on the counter,” Terri says, raising an eyebrow at Emma’s stance but saying nothing. “I brought it down for you.”
She reaches into her oversized purse and brings out a brown paper bag, handing it over. Emma takes it and places it on her desk.
“Oh…I can’t believe I left it behind,” she says, thinking back to that morning.
“You were kinda in a rush,” Terri says. “I guess you just forgot.”
“I…guess,” Emma says, wondering when she became so eager to leave home to get to work.
Will clears his throat and stands up.
“Well…I have a class next period, so I should go prep for that,” he says, glancing between the two of them. “It was nice to see you again, Terri.”
“Yeah, you too,” Terri says, though her voice is devoid of any emotion whatsoever.
Emma almost feels the need to apologise for Terri’s behaviour, but she hasn’t actually done anything wrong. She turns to Will with a forced smile.
“I’ll see you later, Will,” she tells him.
“Sure, Em,” he says, opening the door to her office but pausing briefly. “Think about my proposal okay?”
He winks at her and then he’s gone. She grits her teeth, knowing that Terri’s going to say something.
“His proposal?” Terri says, both eyebrows as high up as they’ll go. “And tell me, what’s he proposing that you’d be so perfect for?”
Emma rolls her eyes, depositing her lunch on the desk and facing Terri.
“He asked me to be a judge for a competition he’s holding in Glee,” she says. “He thinks I’m fair and impartial.”
Terri’s face softens.
“Well, I don’t know if I agree with that,” she says, affectionately. “As demonstrated by your refusal to choose me as the best colourer when Amber sleeps over.”
Emma laughs, the tension broken. Amber is Emma’s brother’s daughter. They babysit for her occasionally and she always wants to challenge Terri to a colouring contest.
“Sweetie…Amber is four,” Emma says, slowly and deliberately.
“Uh huh,” Terri says, her face completely straight. “And I’m clearly a better colourer…but you still insist on choosing her drawings. Every. Time.”
Emma approaches Terri and wraps her arms around her waist, smiling at her.
“You wanna know a secret?” she asks, leaning in and whispering loudly.
Terri nods, playing along.
“I actually think you’re the best colourer,” Emma confides.
“I knew it,” Terri says, snapping her fingers. “See, you’re biased! You choose her because she makes those big sad eyes at you.”
“Baby, you make big sad eyes at me,” Emma corrects. “I choose her because she’s four and she responds well to praise and it makes her feel good about herself.”
Terri sighs.
“Fine,” she says. “I guess I can live with knowing that I’m secretly your favourite.”
“Always,” Emma whispers.
“So…you gonna do this judging thing?” Terri asks. “Will it be like American Idol?”
“I doubt that,” Emma says. “And yeah…I think it’ll be fun.”
Terri nods and kisses Emma’s cheek.
“Good…you should have fun,” she says, starting to pull out of Emma’s arms. “I gotta get to work.”
Emma doesn’t let her go, and instead pulls her back in, placing a hand on her belly.
“You know I’m gonna tell our baby that she’s the best colourer too, right?” Emma says, a twinkle in her eye.
Terri smiles, a real smile.
“Yeah, I do know that.”
Emma smiles and leans in for a kiss, pressing her lips against Terri’s, savouring the comfort it brings her and imagining feeling a baby kick under her hand one day soon
The first time they made love was incredible.
Emma had been self-conscious as they had started to explore each other’s bodies. Terri was a cheerleader. She was toned and tanned and beautiful. Emma was skinny and pale, and had never thought herself anything more than plain. But when Terri touched her, she felt beautiful. Desirable.
Terri was also popular girl, with friends. She talked about stuff and heard people talk about stuff in the locker room that Emma was not privy to, so she really didn’t know a great deal about sex. When it became clear that they were headed in that direction, Emma took it upon herself to prepare. At the risk of great personal embarrassment, she went to the public library and checked out both the biology section, and the erotica section. She left more confused than when she arrived.
They’d been building towards it for weeks. They knew it was going to happen and they somehow agreed, without discussing it, that it would happen at Emma’s parents’ house when they went away for the weekend.
Emma had spent all afternoon getting ready, she’d showered three times and changed in and out of the lingerie set she’d bought for the occasion twice. It seemed…over the top. Unnecessary. Terri loved her and she didn’t need to do anything fancy to make that true.
Then she panicked an hour before Terri was due to turn up and put it back on. Only to remove it ten minutes later. She settled on a white cotton underwear set under jeans and a nice blouse. Then she worried that maybe Terri would’ve dressed up for the occasion, so she called her.
“Hey, I’m leaving in ten minutes,” Terri informed her, after being called to the phone by her very unenthusiastic mother.
“What are you wearing?” Emma asked, without preamble.
“Uh…are we doing this over the phone…I thought we were doing it in person?”
“Terri. I’m being serious. What clothes are you wearing?”
“Jeans and a sweater?” Terri’s answer was laced with a smile. “And underwear,” she added as an afterthought.
“Is it fancy underwear?” Emma asked.
“…Well, it depends what we’re calling ‘fancy’…I’m not wearing granny panties if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Right,” Emma said, Terri’s humour alleviating her worry a little. “So just normal underwear?”
“Very normal,” Terri assured her. “But don’t worry. I don’t think there’s a dress code.”
“Funny,” Emma said, but she found herself smiling nonetheless.
“Are you okay?” Terri asked. “I mean, with…this? We don’t have to do it. We can wait.”
Emma didn’t want to wait. She loved Terri and she wanted to be with her and she was panicking over nothing. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
“I…think I just need you to get here,” she told Terri. “I just need to see you…that’ll make me okay.”
“Okay,” Terri said. “I’ll be there soon. I love you.”
Emma’s smile grew.
“I love you too,” she said. “Now get over here!”
Emma was standing in the hallway when Terri knocked at the door. She rushed forward, but hesitated before opening it, trying to compose herself. Once she was sure her breathing was under control, she pulled the door open and smiled. Terri smiled back, stepping forward to kiss Emma’s cheek.
“Hey,” she said, pulling back. “You look pretty.”
“So do you,” Emma said, stepping aside to let Terri in.
She closed the door and self consciously straightened her clothing, again questioning her choice not to put on the nice underwear set. Terri looked down at her feet, rubbing the toe of her shoe into the rug. Emma watched her, marvelling, not for the first time, that this girl wanted to be with her. She shook her head, needing to get the insecurities out.
“Could…could you maybe kiss me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. “Or hug me…or…”
She didn’t get to the next ‘or’ because she was immediately wrapped up in Terri’s arms, her lips covered by ones that tasted faintly of mint.
“Are you scared?” Emma asked, stroking Terri’s face with shaking fingers.
“No!” Terri answered, immediately; an automatic defensive response.
“Oh,” Emma’s head drooped, her chin resting on her chest and her hand falling to her side.
Terri sighed and moved forward, kissing the top of Emma’s head.
“I’m terrified,” she whispered. “Because I think you think I’ll be really good at this and I don’t know if I will be and I want to make it good for you.”
Emma looked up to see her own insecurities reflecting back at her through Terri’s eyes. Bizarrely, or perhaps not, it boosted her confidence. To know that she wasn’t alone, that Terri was scared, that Terri wanted it to be good. Terri leaned in and bumped her nose against Emma’s. A gesture Emma had long since recognised as Terri telling her that she was in need of comfort or reassurance.
“We’ll take it slow,” Emma told Terri, pulling her in and holding her tight. “It’s not like we haven’t…done stuff. A-and if it’s not great straight away I think that’s normal…we can keep trying.”
Terri grinned, shaking her head.
“You’re really cute, you know that?” she asked.
Emma blushed and tried to scowl.
“I wasn’t being cute, I was being serious,” she said, poking Terri in the ribs.
“I know,” Terri said, leaning in and lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “That’s what makes it so cute.”
Emma blushed deeper and kissed Terri to stop her from talking. Emma still felt a thrill every time they kissed. Growing up, she’d never really thought she’d be able to be close to anyone that way. She wanted to be. God, did she want to be. She used to watch Ghost and wish that she’d find someone who loved her as much as Sam loved Molly. She imagined that any love affair she had would be similar to that movie; in love but unable to touch, always kept apart by something beyond control. Until she met Terri.
It wasn’t that Terri forced her to face her fears or even that she pushed her to do things she hadn’t done before. With Terri, things just didn’t seem as bad. It makes her wonder if her parents had just tried a little harder when she was younger to get her to do ‘normal’ things, instead of enabling her to stay inside her sterile little bubble, maybe she’d never have developed the condition in the first place. But then, she might not have met Terri.
She drew out of the kiss slowly, nipping at Terri’s lower lip with her teeth. She looked up at her.
“Do you…do you want to go to my room?” she asked. “I mean…I…I want to go to my room. I…would like us to go to my room now.”
Terri nodded.
“Let’s go to your room.”
Part 2
Author:
the_girl_20 Pairing: Emma Pillsbury/Terri Del Monaco
Word Count: ~19,000 (written for the
gleefsbigbang)Rating: NC-17
Summary: A love affair that started in high school hits a rocky patch. Told in a series of flashbacks and present day snippets.
Thanks to:
voodoochild_101 and faithinthepoor <3Graphics by:
orange_creativeDisclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. This is for fun and not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended
“It’s me. I know it’s me.”
Emma Pillsbury resists the urge to sigh as Terri throws yet another pregnancy test into the trash. Negative. Emma hates that word, always has, but recently it’s taken on a whole new level of hatred.
“Sweetheart, it’s not you,” Emma assures her. “We’ve been tested, there’s nothing stopping us from getting pregnant.”
“Then why aren’t we?” Terri demands, throwing her hands up in frustration.
She sits down on the closed lid of the toilet and puts her head in her hands.
“We can’t keep doing this forever,” she mutters, not raising her head to look at Emma. “I can’t take it.”
Emma comes to kneel in front of her, leaning in to kiss the top of her head, leaving her nose buried in Terri’s hair.
“I know, honey,” she whispers. “But we have other options if this doesn’t work. We’ll get there.”
Terri starts to raise her head, slowly and Emma pulls back enough to let her. Terri looks at her with weary eyes.
“Do you promise?” she asks, her voice small.
“I promise,” Emma tells her with conviction.
Because she does believe it. They’ve been together for fifteen years and this little setback isn’t going to stop them from being happy. Emma is a fixer. This is a problem, and Emma will fix it. She has to.
Terri raises a small smile.
“Pinky swear?” she asks, sitting up more and holding out her hand.
Emma smiles back and links their pinkies together.
In high school, Emma was not a popular kid. She wasn’t unpopular either. She was just kind of a non-entity. She was the weird girl who didn’t like germs. She had accepted her problem and adapted her life to suit. She didn’t go places that were dirty. She brought everything she needed to eat from home. She spent most of her time in the library, away from the dustier sections. Apart from the occasional taunt, she survived in near anonymity and went about her daily life without interruption from friends or enemies. Until one day.
For some unknown reason, the captain of the girls’ hockey team, Doris Bleekley, decided that it would be fun to get the whole team to corner Emma and torture her with the sweaty uniforms they’d taken off after practice. She didn’t know what was happening until she turned around to find the whole team surrounding her holding up their soiled garments, a sea of red and white.
Emma’s mind went into overdrive and then completely blank as she backed into a corner, trying to get away from the sight and the odour. Just as she was to faint, she heard a voice cut through the jeering. The next thing she knew, the team had turned around and Doris was on the floor, having her face rubbed into her own shirt by Terri Del Monaco; captain of the cheerleading squad. The rest of the team deferred to Terri’s status in the school and backed off, even though Terri was quite clearly debasing their leader.
Emma watched in equal parts horror and gratitude as Terri stood back up, dusting her hands on her cheerleading skirt.
“You make sure you pick on people who can fight back in future, okay?” she said, nudging Doris in the ribs with her toe.
She didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, she reached out and grabbed Emma’s elbow, pulling her away from the crowd and out into the hallway. Emma could barely breathe and she found herself thrown against a wall. Terri’s face was very close to her own and Emma’s emotions were swimming. It had been years since she’d been in such close proximity with anyone, let alone the most popular girl in school.
“You gotta stand up for yourself, germ girl,” Terri told her, matter-of-factly. “Don’t let people push you around like that.”
Emma found herself nodding dumbly, unable to speak. Terri shook her head and started to move away. For once in her life, Emma didn’t want someone to leave her alone.
“Why did you do that?” she called after her.
Terri turned back to face her with a concerned expression.
“I...don’t really know. You just...you just looked like you needed help,” she explained, playing with the hem on her skirt. “Plus, I hate those hockey sluts.”
“Thank you,” Emma let out a long breath. “Nobody else would’ve done that for me.”
Terri made a tutting noise with her tongue.
“Well, you should try to get some friends...people who have your back,” she said, gruffly. “It helps round here.”
Emma’s eyes dropped to the floor. She’d never had friends. She didn’t know how to start looking for them. But she lifted her head and nodded with a smile.
“Thanks, I...I’ll try,” she says.
Terri rolled her eyes.
“Jesus, okay, consider me your friend,” she said, holding out her hand. “Terri De-“
“Del Monaco,” Emma finished for her, looking at Terri’s hand like it might bite her at any second.
But this girl had just jumped into a baying mob to save her. So she swallowed her fears and grasped Terri’s hand tightly. The feeling of skin on skin was almost electric. Emma didn’t feel the revulsion she normally did when she came into contact with something she hadn’t scrubbed. Terri’s hand was soft and warm and Emma gasped at the touch.
She looked up to see Terri’s head cocked to the side and an amused smile playing at her lips.
“You know me?” she asked.
“Everybody knows you. You’re like, the most popular girl in school,” Emma told her in a rush, then clamped her lips shut, along with her eyes. She sounded like a groupie.
Terri just laughed softly.
“Well, I guess I am a minor celebrity round here,” she admitted. “I’ve seen you around but I don’t know your name. No offence.”
Emma forced her eyes back open, but could do nothing to stop the blush that was rapidly spreading across her face and down her neck.
“E...Emma. My name’s Emma,” she managed to get out.
“Nice to meet you, Emma,” Terri said.
They realised at the same time that they were still holding hands. Terri pulled her hand away and Emma let her, but she didn’t want to let go. That tenuous human contact left her craving more.
Her high school existence got a little easier after that, first as the friend of the Head Cheerleader, then her best friend, then, just before the summer of Junior Year, her girlfriend.
Emma smiles at the memories. They’ve been together ever since. Through thick and thin. Emma’s never imagined that anything could come between them. But this having a baby thing seems to be taking its toll. Emma tries to concentrate on the papers in front of her, but can’t get past the first few sentences before having to go back and read over them again. She can’t think of anything but Terri.
She’s relieved when a knock on her office door lets her look away from the paperwork. She lifts her head and sees a man she doesn’t recognise on the other side of the door. He has curly hair and a ready smile. He’s wearing scuffed boots and a shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Emma smiles and beckons him in.
“Can I help you?” she asks, gesturing for him to take a seat.
“Maybe,” he says, holding out his hand to shake hers. “I’m Will Schuester, the new Spanish teacher?”
“Oh! Of course,” Emma says, chastising herself for forgetting the new member of staff. “You’re replacing Ms Fernandez. It’s nice to meet you.”
She shakes his hand firmly and he offers her an easy grin before taking a seat across the desk from her.
“You too, I figured you’d be the person to come talk to to get a feel for the kids and the school, you know?” he says, his voice brimming with enthusiasm. “I’m taking on the Glee Club too.”
“Oh. Wow,” Emma says, a fixed smile in place. “That’s…adventurous.”
Will laughs, his face falling into creases to show that it’s something he does often. Emma finds her false smile slipping into a genuine one.
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Will says, holding his hands up. “Figgins already told me it was a sinking ship. But I was in Glee when I was in high school and it can be a really great experience for kids. Gives them confidence and self-assurance. And it’s fun.”
Emma is nodding along, her smile growing.
“Well, I think it’s great that you want to do that for the kids,” she says. “Too many of the teachers in this school don’t actually care about the kids’ welfare, you know?”
She’s thinking of Sue Sylvester in particular, but any number of the teachers give off the impression of only being there to pick up the pay packet at the end of the month. It’s something that irks Emma to no end. The primary reason she wanted to become a guidance counsellor was to help kids like she herself had been. There hadn’t been anyone she felt she could turn to. It’s refreshing to see someone so committed to making sure that the kids turn out well rounded and self confident.
“Isn’t that why we’re here?” Will asks, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“You’d think,” she agrees. “Not everyone would agree with you.”
“Well, that’s what I’m here for,” Will asserts. “And something tells me you are too.”
She blushes a little, looking down at her desk, nodding to answer his question. Yes, she’s here to make things a little better for the kids of William McKinley than they were when she was a student. There are times when she questions her ability to do that. But mostly she feels like she’s making a difference. And that feels wonderful.
Will smiles again and then stands, leaning on Emma’s desk, his head cocked to the side, almost shy.
“I…could I maybe sit with you at lunch?” he asks, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. “I’ve been eating in my office because I don’t really know anybody…I tried sitting with Ken Tanaka but he just keeps suggesting that we go pick up girls in bars together…that’s not really my scene.”
Emma is surprised by the request, but tries not to show it. Will doesn’t strike her as the kind of guy who would find it difficult to make friends.
“Oh, sure! Sure!” she says, nodding emphatically. “That’d be…lovely. We can talk more about Glee Club, maybe.”
“I’d like that. And maybe we can get to know each other a little better. It’d be nice to have a friend here,” he admits with another shy smile that makes her feel uncomfortable, though she can’t quite pinpoint why. “You didn’t even tell me your name.”
“Gosh, I…I’m so sorry, I…my name is E-“
“Emma Pillsbury, I know,” he says, laughing gently. “I was just kidding.”
Again, she’s blushing, flustered even. He gives her a reprieve.
“I’ll see you at lunch, then, Emma Pillsbury,” he throws over his shoulder as he opens the door.
“Yes. It was nice to meet you, Will Schuester,” she replies, her mouth curling into a smile, despite the redness still in her cheeks.
“Hasta la vista,” he says, pausing in the doorway. “You speak Spanish?”
She shrugs.
“Only a little,” she admits. “I prefer French.”
He winks at her before letting the door swing closed behind him. Emma sits down heavily in her seat, her brow creased up in thought. She’s not sure why meeting a new faculty member has left her feeling uneasy. It never has before. But there’s something about Will Schuester that sets her on edge.
They were standing by Terri’s locker one day, Terri was applying her lipstick in the mirror she kept on the back of her locker door and Emma was wondering why she was so fixated on Terri’s lips. She told herself that she was trying to figure out what colour of lipstick she used. Even she wasn’t convinced. But before she had too long to think about it, Johnny Campbell, the quarterback, came along and closed the locker door. Terri scowled at him.
“Jerk,” she muttered, opening the door again.
“You don’t need all that junk to be the hottest girl in school,” Johnny said, leaning against the locker next to Terri’s, pretty much standing in front of Emma.
“I know that,” Terri said, blotting her lips on a Kleenex.
“So…am I gonna see you at the game tonight?” he asked, and Emma tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach.
She’d started to get it whenever anybody else spoke to Terri. It was a kind of fear. Fear that Terri would find someone more fun, more interesting, more normal. But Terri generally calmed her fears without ever realising it.
“Well, duh, Johnny,” Terri said, rolling her eyes. “I’m the head cheerleader. Kinda required to be at football games.”
He nodded, as if this hadn’t occurred to him.
“Cool, well…maybe we can go get a burger after the game or somethin’?” he continued, apparently oblivious to Terri’s obvious dislike of him.
“No, I go to Emma’s after games,” she told him, closing her locker and linking her arm with Emma’s as they start to walk down the hall.
“Another time, maybe?” he called after them.
Terri didn’t even bother to respond, just rolled her eyes at Emma. Emma giggled, but quickly sobered.
“You know…you don’t have to come to my place after games…you should go out with your friends,” she said. “I mean…Johnny’s cute, and he’s not the only guy who’s asked you out. Why do you never say yes? I mean, isn’t it some kind of rule that the head cheerleader and the quarterback date each other?”
Terri didn’t look at Emma, just kept them both walking.
“Johnny’s pretty, but he’s dumb like sand,” she said. “And I like spending time with you after the games. I see everybody else during the game.”
Emma noticed that Terri didn’t address the fact that she wasn’t dating anyone, and hadn’t dated anyone the entire time Emma had been hanging out with her.
“Hey…you should come to a game,” Terri was saying, drawing Emma out of her musings.
“What?” Emma said, coming to an abrupt halt. “Uh…I…n-no…I mean…there are so many people and they’re all around and close and…”
“I could get you a seat down in the front?” Terri suggested. “You can watch me cheer?”
Emma didn’t want to appear disinterested in Terri’s hobbies so she agreed. And she was almost positive it had nothing to do with wanting to see Terri jump up and down.
After watching Terri jump up and down for a while, Emma was a little less positive about her motives. It seemed pointless to deny it to herself any longer.
She had a crush on Terri.
Admitting it out loud, or in her head at least, was more of a relief than anything else. It allowed her to explore the thoughts she’d been having. It allowed her to let her eyes trail up Terri’s toned calves, past her knees and up her thighs to the hem of her short skirt and not to explain away the warm, tingly feeling she got from it. It allowed her to watch Terri bounce up and down and not have to try to avert her eyes from her chest. It allowed her to feel what she’d been feeling for a long time.
After that, Emma didn’t watch a single minute of the game, her eyes were on Terri the whole time. Occasionally Terri looked to the stand and winked or waved at Emma. Emma blushed and gave tiny waves back, looking around to see if anyone was watching.
After the game, Terri came bounding over to her, a huge smile lighting up her face.
“So?” she panted, still breathless from their last cheer. “What did you think? Did you enjoy it?”
Emma nodded, seemingly unable to form words. She opened her mouth to attempt to say something witty and intelligent, but found that her teeth were chattering. Terri frowned. She reached up and brushed her knuckles over Emma’s cheek..
“Jesus, you’re freezing!” she said, shrugging out of her letterman jacket and holding it up for Emma to put on.
“N…no…I…I’m not c…cold,” Emma stammered, although she was beginning to realise that she was cold.
Very cold. The warm fuzzy feelings she’d been having about Terri during the game had blinded her to the fact that she was freezing. Terri was shaking her head.
“Put it on,” she said, in a tone that invited no argument. “I don’t want you dying and then blaming me for making you come here.”
Emma turned around, slowly, and allowed Terri to help her put the jacket on. Immediately she was surrounded by Terri’s scent, Terri’s warmth. She pulled the jacket around herself, wrapping herself up in the smell of Terri, not even thinking about the hazards of sharing clothes. She smiled.
“Thank you, Terri,” she said, her voice quiet. “And you were really awesome tonight…really.”
Terri grinned.
“Of course I was,” she said with a wink. “I am the best mover they ha-“
“Oooooh, gonna ask her to prom, Del Monaco?”
Emma ducked her head at the voice coming from behind her, looking up through her eyelashes to gauge Terri’s reaction. Whoever had spoken was silenced by Terri’s icy glare and Emma felt a tiny bit pleased that Terri hadn’t actually said that she wasn’t going to ask Emma to prom. Nor had she removed her hand from Emma’s arm.
“Well,” Terri said, her eyes still focussed somewhere over Emma’s shoulder. “She’s moving to the bottom of the pyramid, effective immediately.”
Emma smiled, still clutching Terri’s jacket around her.
“I…uh….I’m warmer now,” she said. “You can have this back.”
Terri looked at her for a moment before shaking her head.
“Nah, looks good on you,” she said, finally. “Keep it on.”
So Emma did.
“So, no wedding ring? You can’t be single,” Will says, one lunchtime around a mouthful of ham sandwich.
Her mouth forms an ‘o’ shape and he closes his eyes.
“God, Em, I’m sorry. That was rude,” he says, fixing her with a sincere look of apology. “I think Ken Tanaka is rubbing off on me.”
He’s taken to calling her ‘Em’. It doesn’t particularly bother her, but she notices it each and every time. She brushes off his apology.
“No, it wasn’t rude, I’m just surprised it never came up before I guess,” she says. “I’m…not officially married, but I’ve been with my partner for fifteen years so I guess we’re pretty much an old married couple in everything but name.”
Will raises his eyebrows and whistles.
“Wow, fifteen years? And he hasn’t married you yet?” he jokes. “Isn’t he afraid some idiot will come along and see your bare ring finger and make a stupid remark about it?”
Emma chuckles, concentrating on her sandwich a little too hard.
“I don’t think she’s particularly worried about it,” she says, bringing her eyes up to meet Will’s and laughing softly at the expression he’s wearing. “Have I shocked you?”
Will recovers quickly, stuttering a little, hurrying to cover up his faux pas.
“Shocked? No! No, of cour-…I mean, I’m surprised I guess but…no, it’s…totally cool, of course it’s cool, why would you need me to tell you it’s cool, right? I’m…” he fumbles around for something to say but Emma steps in.
“It’s okay, Will,” she tells him. “I’m used to shocking people. Small town lesbian…kinda comes with the territory.”
Will is nodding, grateful for the out.
“No…that’s….you’ve been together for fifteen years? So, from high school?” he asks.
Emma nods.
“Yep, we’re high school sweethearts,” she says, rolling her eyes, but smiling. “She was my first girlfriend. My first real friend, actually.”
“That’s really sweet,” Will says, biting into a cookie and chewing with a grin. “It’s not too often you hear that these days.”
She acknowledges the compliment with a nod and a smile.
“Yeah,” she suddenly feels the need to change the subject. “So…how about you? No wedding ring? You can’t tell me you’re single?”
There’s a clear teasing tone in her voice and he laughs.
“Afraid so,” he confirms. “Haven’t found that special somebody yet. We can’t all meet the love of our life at high school,” he teases in return.
“No, I guess not,” she agrees, her smile a little wistful.
Their first kiss was the most romantic thing Emma had ever experienced. It truly was like something out of a movie. She’d known for months that she had feelings for Terri. But she’ assumed that they’d be forever unrequited. And she’d accepted that. Almost. She’d learned to live with it, at the very least. But it turned out she was wrong.
They were arguing over something stupid. They often did. They had opposing views on almost everything. While, in the beginning of their friendship, Emma never felt confident enough to express anything other than total agreement, she soon saw that disagreeing with Terri was something they both enjoyed. They got a kick out of debating everything from politics to the relative merits of Ross and Joey on ‘Friends’. (In reality, Emma preferred Rachel, but she wasn’t quite ready to share that with Terri.) But on this particular day the argument turned into something quite different.
“Terri, learning a language isn’t dumb…it’s a useful skill to have…you’ll be glad you learned French the first time you find yourself in a Parisian café, needing to ask where the bathrooms are,” Emma said, poking Terri in the side with her pencil.
“Yeah, like that’s gonna happen every other week,” Terri grumbled, doodling hearts in the margin of her homework. “And even if it did…I could get my message across.”
Emma shook her head, turning back to her own book.
“That is not a mime I’d like to see, Terri Del Monaco,” she murmured, reading through the next set of questions.
“Anyway,” Terri said. “If I was in Paris, you’d probably be there too and you’re a whizkid at French so I don’t really need to learn this stuff.”
Emma stopped writing and looked over at Terri, who was concentrating hard on adding shading to one of the hearts she’d sketched. Emma nudged her with her shoulder.
“You’d take me to Paris with you?” she asked, blushing a little.
Terri looked up from her drawing, her eyebrows drawing together.
“That sounds like I’d be paying…” she said. “I said you’d probably be there. Like…if we go travelling when we finish college or something. Then you can talk your way around Europe and I’ll let you.”
Emma grinned, knowing this was Terri’s way of asking her if this was something she’d like to do.
“That sounds fair,” Emma decides. “As long as you trust me to order food that you like and not have you ending up eating snails and fro-“
She shuddered, unable to even say it. The thought of that kind of food made her feel ill. She returned to her homework, trying to block out the thoughts of slimy disgusting frogs’ legs.
“You’re right,” Terri said, cutting into her thoughts. “I probably should apply myself. Can’t have me going round Europe just eating in McDonalds.”
Emma was grateful for the subtle change of direction. She bumped her shoulder against Terri’s again.
“I don’t know why you even kid about this,” she said. “We both know you have a perfect G.P.A…I don’t know why you play the dumb blonde. You’re not.”
“Oui, c’est vrai. Je suis très intelligente,” Terri said. “Toutefois, tu sais que mes amies n’aiment pas quand on est enthousiasmé par l’école.”
Emma rolled her eyes.
“Oui, oui, ma chérie,” she said, before she could catch herself. “Uh…”
Normally Terri would make fun of her slip and she would blush and they would move on. But Terri’s eyes remained fixed on her French book, meaning Emma’s statement was left hanging between them. Emma suppressed a sigh and tried to concentrate on French verbs. They worked in silence for what seemed like forever to Emma. She silently chastised herself for letting her feelings leak into everything. The last thing she wanted was to ruin her friendship with Terri,
“Emma?” Terri spoke first.
“Uh huh?” Emma said, keeping her eyes on the book.
“How do you conjugate ‘aimer’?” Terri asked, her voice sounding strange, hesitant.
Emma’s brow creased.
“Terri, that’s an easy one…it’s regular,” she said. “It’s j'aime tu aimes…”
Terri reached over and covered Emma’s lips with her finger.
“Je t’aime,” she whispered, and then replaced her finger with her own lips.
Emma thought she might actually explode from sensory overload. She’d never been kissed before, she’d never had anyone tell her they loved her before (aside from her family who totally didn’t count because it wasn’t the same), she’d never had anyone tell her they loved her in French before; it was beyond her wildest romantic dreams. She’d never believed she could let anyone close enough to do any of this.
When Terri drew away, she looked more scared than Emma had ever seen her. Emma did the only thing she could think of.
“Moi aussi, je t’aime,” she whispered
Emma thought she might actually die of happiness in that moment. And if she had, she wouldn’t have cared. But instead of dying, she reached up and cupped Terri’s face with both hands, drawing her in for their second kiss.
Terri would joke for years that it was a French kiss in more ways than one.
“Some of the teachers from school have put together a band…they’re playing tonight,” Emma begins as they’re clearing up after dinner. “I thought we could maybe go along, support them.”
“The teachers?” Terri asks, absently, reaching up to put away the plates. “Isn’t that what the kids are supposed to be doing? Putting together lame bands that they think will bring them fame and fortune?”
Emma shrugs, a little stung by the derision in Terri’s voice.
“I just thought it might be fun. Something different. Something to get us out of the house,” she mutters.
Terri sighs and turns around, walking over to Emma and taking her hands, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “It’s like…everything makes me want to snap right now. And you’re the last person I should be snapping at. You’re the one who has to put up with me.”
Emma shakes her head, pulling Terri against her, smiling into her neck, feeling right for the first time in days.
“Terri, I don’t put up with you,” she murmurs. “I love you.”
Terri squeezes her tighter before lifting her head. She smiles, bringing her hand up to sweep a stray hair from Emma’s brow.
“We should go to the band thing,” she says. “You’re right. It’ll be nice to go out together. Forget about…stuff…for the night.”
Emma nods and leans in to kiss Terri, a quick, chaste brush of lips together. She draws back, smiling.
“Okay, but I should warn you…Howard Bamboo’s in the band,” she confides.
“Oh Jesus!”
They sit together in the darkened auditorium, holding hands as they watch the performance. Terri leans over to Emma.
“’I wanna sex you up’? Is this really appropriate for a PTA event?” she whispers.
Emma glances over to where Figgins is swaying happily, his eyes firmly closed. She shrugs, turning her head so that her lips are brushing Terri’s ear as she speaks.
“Is it really the song choice you find inappropriate? Or is it Ken’s dancing?”
Terri laughs softly.
“Both,” she confirms, her eyes landing, not for the first time, on the charismatic lead singer. “Who’s the new guy?”
Emma, for some reason, finds herself blushing, and is thankful for the dimmed lights.
“That’s Will Schuester. The new Spanish teacher? I told you about him,” she says, although she knows she only mentioned him in passing.
Terri continues to watch him, nodding.
“Yeah…yeah, I remember you saying somethi-…” her voice trails off as the song ends and Will blows a kiss into the crowd, which, for all intents and purposes looks like it was aimed directly at Emma.
Terri turns to her with an eyebrow raised.
“Well, looks like you have an admirer,” she murmurs.
Emma can tell that she’s trying to be casual, but there’s an underlying tone to the comment. One she doesn’t like one bit. She shrugs.
“I sit with him at lunch, he’s new in town, I don’t think he knows anybody else yet,” she says, while at the same time wondering why she needs to explain someone else’s actions.
“Uh huh,” is all Terri says in return, but her hand tightens around Emma’s.
After the show there is a short cheese and wine thing. Emma chats with various parents she knows while Terri forsakes the cheese in favour of the wine. Emma spots Will as he appears through the stage door. He catches her eye and lifts his hand in greeting. Almost immediately, she feels Terri’s arm around her waist and she suppresses the urge to roll her eyes. Terri’s always been a little territorial, she basically started their relationship as Emma’s self-appointed protector and she’s never really given that up.
Will makes his way over, grinning widely at Emma.
“Hey! Did you see the crowd? They loved us!” he raves and Emma can’t help but share his enthusiasm.
“Yeah, it was a great show, wasn’t it sweetie?” she says, turning to Terri, bringing her into the conversation.
“Huh? Oh yeah, you guys were really good,” Terri says. “You were really good.”
Will holds out his hand.
“Terri, I presume?” he says, shaking her hand firmly. “Emma’s told me all about you…but she failed to mention that you were gorgeous.”
Terri raises at eyebrow at his blatant flattery.
“Oh yeah? I guess we’ve been together too long for her to notice anymore,” she says, smiling as she withdraws her hand from Will’s grip.
Emma frowns.
“Of course I notice,” she mutters.
Will clears his throat, a little awkwardly.
“Well, it’s really great to meet you,” he says, before turning to Emma. “I’ll see you at lunch on Monday, Em?”
Emma nods.
“I’ll see you at school. Good job, Will…” Emma says.
He gives both of them a final nod and then disappears into the crowd. Emma takes a deep breath and turns to Terri.
“Ready to go home?” she asks.
Terri takes time to drain the wine glass in her hand before answering.
“Sure, let’s go…Em,” she says, linking her fingers with Emma’s.
Emma lets the nickname pass without comment. Terri never calls her that. They make their way out of the building and are walking towards the parking lot, when Terri pulls Emma to a halt. Emma stumbles a little and ends up in Terri’s arms. She giggles a little in surprise. Terri leans in so that her nose is against Emma’s cheek.
“Remember how you used to drag me under the bleachers to make out with me before big games?” she whispers.
“No,” Emma says, walking her fingers up Terri’s chest. “That’s not how I remember it at all. I remember you dragging me under there. I protested! Every time!”
“No you didn’t,” Terri says, bending her neck and nipping at Emma’s earlobe.
“Okay, maybe not every time,” Emma relents, tilting her head and shivering as Terri moves to cover her pulse point with her lips. “But I did always try to make sure you didn’t miss the start of the cheers.”
She feels Terri smiles against her skin and gently brings her hand to Terri’s face, bringing her up so they’re looking into each other’s eyes. Emma lets a devilish smile cross her lips.
“You wanna drag me under there now? For old times’ sake?” she asks, her voice taking on a husky quality.
Terri smiles in return, unwinding her arms from Emma’s waist and taking her hand, pulling her in the direction of the football field. Emma laughs, shaking her head.
“Shhhh,” Terri warns. “We don’t want security coming and busting us.”
When they get under the bleachers, Emma takes the lead and pushes Terri back against a post, leaning in and kissing her hard. She closes her eyes, concentrating on the feel of her body against Terri’s, the faint taste of wine on her tongue. Terri’s hand comes to rest on her face, her thumb stroking the skin of her cheek. Emma draws away, gently, dropping soft kisses around Terri’s mouth.
“You used to be wearing less,” she drawls.
“A lot less,” Terri agrees, bumping her nose against Emma’s. “Take me home and I’ll wear as little as you like. I think I still have my uniform somewhere...”
“I miss this,” Emma says, suddenly.
Terri looks at her in confusion.
“What? Making out under the bleachers?” she asks, pecking Emma’s lips again.
“No. Us,” Emma clarifies. “Us…together…like this.”
Terri draws away, letting her hands slip from Emma’s body.
“We are together. We’ve always been together,” she says, her voice quiet.
“No, I know…I…” Emma hurriedly rushes to explain. “But I feel…lately…like we’re different.”
Terri looks at her for a long moment before nodding once. She steps away from Emma and starts walking back towards the car. Emma sighs.
Their first date was weird and kind of awkward. They’d been out tons of times before; to the movies, to restaurants, to dances. But this time it was a date and this seemed to throw both of them for a loop.
Terri was twenty minutes late. Emma had convinced herself after ten that Terri wasn’t coming. She’d almost gone to take her nice new dress off, but her mother had told her not to be silly, that Terri would be there. So she waited. When the doorbell sounded, Emma was up and out of her seat like a rocket. So much for playing hard to get. She opened the door to find Terri smiling at her nervously.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” Terri said. “I…changed…a couple of times.”
Emma’s eyes took in Terri’s appearance. She was wearing a simple black dress, accessorised with silver jewellery and a silver clutch bag. She was stunning. Emma looked down at her own yellow sundress and bit her lip. She felt so unsophisticated standing next to Terri.
“Should I…I should change,” she said, stepping backwards. “I’ll go change.”
Terri reached out to grasp Emma’s wrist.
“No,” she said. “You look really…nice. I mean…lovely. Jesus…I’m not used to this complimenting people thing.”
Emma laughed softly.
“No, you’re not great at it,” she agreed. “You look gorgeous. Are…are you sure I don’t need to change…because I wasn’t sure where we were going so I…”
“Emma, you look perfect,” Terri broke in. “You don’t have to change. You never have to change for me.”
Emma blushed and looked down at her shoes, lifting her eyes to look through her lashes at Terri.
“Wow, you’re getting better at the complimenting thing already,” she managed to get out.
Terri grinned.
“I’ve always been a quick learner,” she said. “You know that.”
She brought her hand out from behind her back.
“I got you these,” she said, thrusting a bouquet of flowers into Emma’s hand. “It’s totally corny, I know. Sorry.”
“Terri, they’re lovely!” Emma assured her, bringing the blooms to her nose to inhale their scent.
Almost immediately, she started sneezing. And she didn’t’ stop. Terri quickly removed the bouquet from her hand.
“Oh my God, do you have allergies? I…didn’t know that? Did I? Did you tell me and I forgot? Shit…I’m so sorry,” she babbled while moving past Emma into the house and disposing of the flowers in the trash.
Emma, after getting the sneezing under control, shook her head.
“I didn’t tell you…mainly because I didn’t know…” she said, rubbing her nose with a tissue and wiping under her eyes in an attempt to save her make up. “I’ve never…that’s never happened before.”
Terri rolled her eyes.
“Great,” she murmured. “So I managed to pick out the only flowers in the world that make you sneeze.”
“It’s fine, I’m fine,” Emma told her, though her nose now sounded slightly stuffy and her eyes were a little swollen.
Terri sighed and kissed Emma’s cheek.
“Should we go? We’re gonna be late…because I was late.”
Emma nodded, butterflies seemingly having a party in her stomach.
“Sure, let’s go.
Terri reached out and took Emma’s hand, leading her out of the house and down the walk to where her car was parked on the street. She opened the door for Emma and waited for her to get in and get comfortable. Emma didn’t realise that Terri was still holding the door when she pulled it shut; closing it on Terri’s little finger. Terri’s howl of pain alerted her to this fact.
“Oh! Oh! Terri! I…” Emma said, fumbling with the door handle, trying to get the door open and eventually managing it.
“Sonofa…” Terri hissed, putting her injured hand under her opposite armpit and turning away.
Emma got back out of the car and tentatively reached out to touch Terri’s shoulder.
“Terri…are you okay?” she asked.
“Mmmmhmmmm,” came the reply.
“I’m so sorry…I didn’t realise…I…” Emma stammered, mortified at what she had done. “Can I…do you want me to take a look at it?”
“It’s fine,” Terri said, examining the finger for herself.
She turned around and held it up for Emma to see. It was obvious that the finger was going to bruise badly, but Terri could still wiggle it, so it didn’t look like it was broken.
“I’m sorry,” Emma whispered.
“It’s fine,” Terri said, again. “It’s only the little one…and what would I even use that for, right? Apart from maybe pinky swearing.”
Emma gently took Terri’s hand into her own, lifting it to her lips and kissing the damaged digit. She raised her eyes to meet Terri’s and saw that she was smiling.
“It’s all better now,” Terri said. “C’mon, we’re so late.”
They were late, and because they were late, the restaurant had given away their table and they ended up sitting at a tiny, cramped table right next to the kitchen. It was noisy and the kitchen door kept hitting the back of Terri’s chair when the waiters bustled through with huge trays of food.
The restaurant offered Eastern European fare. Terri had chosen it because it seemed exotic and chic. However, the menus were written in Czechoslovakian or something similar, and neither of them had any clue what the dishes were. Emma’s nerves brought out her OCD, which, since meeting Terri and being brought more into school and social life, had been getting much, much better. But she found herself polishing the silverware with her napkin, only stopping when she noticed Terri watching her, a slight crease between her eyebrows indicating her worry.
The food came and turned out to be less than desirable. Cabbage appeared to be the main ingredient. Terri poked what seemed to be the meat on her plate with some trepidation. She glanced over at Emma’s.
“How’s yours?” she asked.
“It’s…uh…” Emma searched for something to say as she moved the food around her plate. “Interesting.”
“Yeah…mine too,” Terri said in understanding, trying to make it look as if she’d eaten something, the waiters were terrifying.
“So…what did you do today?” Emma asked.
“I had practise this morning,” Terri said. “You know. Regionals.”
Emma nodded. She did know. She also knew that Terri had gone to practice practise and that she had gone to her Nana’s afterwards and then to the mall. Because they’d spoken on the phone in the afternoon and Terri had told her all of this. And it had been a hell of a lot easier than the dinner conversation.
“Was it cold…this morning?” she prompted.
When Emma realised that she had just asked Terri about the weather, she knew things were pretty bad.
“It was…kinda cold, yeah, I guess…for the time of year” Terri said, looking like she’d come to the same conclusion.
The rest of dinner passed in much he same manner and when Terri was settling up the check, Emma went outside because she needed air. She stood in the twilight, taking deep breaths. She was absolutely positive they were going to break up. Something just wasn’t working and she couldn’t understand it. As friends they’d been amazing. She heard the door open and steeled herself for the inevitable tone in Terri’s voice.
Terri came and stood next to her, looking up at the sky. When she spoke, there was no apology in her voice, no awkwardness either.
“So…that was a bust, huh? Wanna go make out in my car?”
A smile broke over Emma’s lips and she turned to face Terri, finding her already smiling back.
“That sounds perfect,” Emma said. “I think I’d really like that.”
Terri laughed in relief.
“Good.”
She took Emma’s hand and they started walking to the car.
“For our next date, let’s avoid anything with foreign menus,” Terri mused, swinging their joined hands between them.
The words ‘next date’ gave Emma a warm feeling low in her belly and she let go of Terri’s hand, wrapping both of her arms around Terri’s arm instead, leaning her head on her shoulder.
“And I’m not bringing you flowers,” Terri continued, eliciting a giggle from Emma.
“And I can open doors for you, but I’m letting you close them by yourself,” she finished, just as they reached the car.
Emma turned around and planted a kiss on Terri’s lips, letting her hands drift down Terri’s arm and around to her back, pulling her in against her.
“That sounds fair,” she told her. “And thank you for tonight. It was…well, it helped us decide on what we want for our next date. Which will be perfect.”
Terri smiled a bashful smile, but it soon turned impish.
“Pinky swear?” she said, holding up her now impressively purple little finger.
Emma grinned, and very gently linked their pinkies together.
Since they decided to try and get pregnant, their lovemaking has become less frequent. The irony of this is not lost on Emma. She’s still sometimes a little sad that they can’t ‘make a baby’ that’s part of both of them. But they picked out the donor together and Terri insisted on him having red-hair and brown eyes. The act itself is not exactly romantic, but they’ve opted to do it themselves. Emma makes sure everything is clean and Terri makes jokes about basting a turkey and they get through it. They’ve tried a few times, and nothing. It’s frustrating to say the least. Especially because Terri takes all the blame on herself, even though Emma assures her that there is no blame to be apportioned.
“Can I ask you a favour?”
The words draw her eyes away from her screen where she’s organising her e-mail folders. Or, rather, she’s reorganising them. It’s something she does when she needs to think. But her thoughts are jumbled and confusing and she thinks she’s probably actually disorganising them right now.
Will’s head is poked in her door, his body still in the hallway. She smiles and beckons him in, glad of the distraction.
“Sure,” she says as he seats himself opposite her. “Ask away, I’ll try to be as much help as I can.”
He leans forward, his elbows on her desk, his face completely serious. She begins to worry about what he might be about to ask. Then he breaks into a grin and she smiles nervously in response.
“How do you feel about being a judge?” he asks.
“A…judge?” she says, her eyebrows drawing together. “Wh..what kind of judge? What would I be judging? Because I don’t really like to be judgy…I mean, in my position I try to treat everybo-“
“Emma…Emma,” he interrupts her babbling with a soft smile. “I’m having the kids compete against each other, boys against girls. They…well, Rachel, insisted that I get a woman judge to cancel out my natural bias toward the boys.”
“And…and you thought of me?” she says, touched. “But I…I’m not exactly an expert on music, Will.”
“You are the most honest and impartial person I know…you’re perfect.”
“You’ve obviously never played Scrabble with her. Talk about a cheater?”
Emma actually jumps out of her seat a little at the unexpected voice. She looks up to find Terri standing in the doorway. She’s smiling but her eyes are cold. It’s an expression that’s generally reserved for when she’s around her mother. Emma hates it. Will doesn’t seem to notice and he laughs, turning to Terri.
“She cheats at Scrabble? Really?” he asks, his easy grin firmly in place as he glances back at Emma.
She tries to smile back at him, but her eyes are on Terri as she slinks into the room, all fluid limbs and predatory eyes.
“Oh totally,” Terri tells Will. “She tries to peek at the letters before she takes them, she makes up rules to suit herself, she changes the score when she thinks I’m not looking…it’s ridiculous, really.”
Emma’s smile is tentative and she shakes her head.
“That’s you, honey,” she says as Terri arrives by her chair.
“Oh yeah, that’s me,” Terri says, and then leans down for a kiss that lasts longer than propriety dictates when there’s someone else watching.
Emma gently pushes her away with a hand on her shoulder. She looks at Will and bites her lip, he’s looking anywhere but at the two of them.
“What…uh…what brings you here?” Emma asks, standing up and crossing her arms over her chest, putting a little distance between herself and Terri without really knowing why.
“You left your lunch on the counter,” Terri says, raising an eyebrow at Emma’s stance but saying nothing. “I brought it down for you.”
She reaches into her oversized purse and brings out a brown paper bag, handing it over. Emma takes it and places it on her desk.
“Oh…I can’t believe I left it behind,” she says, thinking back to that morning.
“You were kinda in a rush,” Terri says. “I guess you just forgot.”
“I…guess,” Emma says, wondering when she became so eager to leave home to get to work.
Will clears his throat and stands up.
“Well…I have a class next period, so I should go prep for that,” he says, glancing between the two of them. “It was nice to see you again, Terri.”
“Yeah, you too,” Terri says, though her voice is devoid of any emotion whatsoever.
Emma almost feels the need to apologise for Terri’s behaviour, but she hasn’t actually done anything wrong. She turns to Will with a forced smile.
“I’ll see you later, Will,” she tells him.
“Sure, Em,” he says, opening the door to her office but pausing briefly. “Think about my proposal okay?”
He winks at her and then he’s gone. She grits her teeth, knowing that Terri’s going to say something.
“His proposal?” Terri says, both eyebrows as high up as they’ll go. “And tell me, what’s he proposing that you’d be so perfect for?”
Emma rolls her eyes, depositing her lunch on the desk and facing Terri.
“He asked me to be a judge for a competition he’s holding in Glee,” she says. “He thinks I’m fair and impartial.”
Terri’s face softens.
“Well, I don’t know if I agree with that,” she says, affectionately. “As demonstrated by your refusal to choose me as the best colourer when Amber sleeps over.”
Emma laughs, the tension broken. Amber is Emma’s brother’s daughter. They babysit for her occasionally and she always wants to challenge Terri to a colouring contest.
“Sweetie…Amber is four,” Emma says, slowly and deliberately.
“Uh huh,” Terri says, her face completely straight. “And I’m clearly a better colourer…but you still insist on choosing her drawings. Every. Time.”
Emma approaches Terri and wraps her arms around her waist, smiling at her.
“You wanna know a secret?” she asks, leaning in and whispering loudly.
Terri nods, playing along.
“I actually think you’re the best colourer,” Emma confides.
“I knew it,” Terri says, snapping her fingers. “See, you’re biased! You choose her because she makes those big sad eyes at you.”
“Baby, you make big sad eyes at me,” Emma corrects. “I choose her because she’s four and she responds well to praise and it makes her feel good about herself.”
Terri sighs.
“Fine,” she says. “I guess I can live with knowing that I’m secretly your favourite.”
“Always,” Emma whispers.
“So…you gonna do this judging thing?” Terri asks. “Will it be like American Idol?”
“I doubt that,” Emma says. “And yeah…I think it’ll be fun.”
Terri nods and kisses Emma’s cheek.
“Good…you should have fun,” she says, starting to pull out of Emma’s arms. “I gotta get to work.”
Emma doesn’t let her go, and instead pulls her back in, placing a hand on her belly.
“You know I’m gonna tell our baby that she’s the best colourer too, right?” Emma says, a twinkle in her eye.
Terri smiles, a real smile.
“Yeah, I do know that.”
Emma smiles and leans in for a kiss, pressing her lips against Terri’s, savouring the comfort it brings her and imagining feeling a baby kick under her hand one day soon
The first time they made love was incredible.
Emma had been self-conscious as they had started to explore each other’s bodies. Terri was a cheerleader. She was toned and tanned and beautiful. Emma was skinny and pale, and had never thought herself anything more than plain. But when Terri touched her, she felt beautiful. Desirable.
Terri was also popular girl, with friends. She talked about stuff and heard people talk about stuff in the locker room that Emma was not privy to, so she really didn’t know a great deal about sex. When it became clear that they were headed in that direction, Emma took it upon herself to prepare. At the risk of great personal embarrassment, she went to the public library and checked out both the biology section, and the erotica section. She left more confused than when she arrived.
They’d been building towards it for weeks. They knew it was going to happen and they somehow agreed, without discussing it, that it would happen at Emma’s parents’ house when they went away for the weekend.
Emma had spent all afternoon getting ready, she’d showered three times and changed in and out of the lingerie set she’d bought for the occasion twice. It seemed…over the top. Unnecessary. Terri loved her and she didn’t need to do anything fancy to make that true.
Then she panicked an hour before Terri was due to turn up and put it back on. Only to remove it ten minutes later. She settled on a white cotton underwear set under jeans and a nice blouse. Then she worried that maybe Terri would’ve dressed up for the occasion, so she called her.
“Hey, I’m leaving in ten minutes,” Terri informed her, after being called to the phone by her very unenthusiastic mother.
“What are you wearing?” Emma asked, without preamble.
“Uh…are we doing this over the phone…I thought we were doing it in person?”
“Terri. I’m being serious. What clothes are you wearing?”
“Jeans and a sweater?” Terri’s answer was laced with a smile. “And underwear,” she added as an afterthought.
“Is it fancy underwear?” Emma asked.
“…Well, it depends what we’re calling ‘fancy’…I’m not wearing granny panties if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Right,” Emma said, Terri’s humour alleviating her worry a little. “So just normal underwear?”
“Very normal,” Terri assured her. “But don’t worry. I don’t think there’s a dress code.”
“Funny,” Emma said, but she found herself smiling nonetheless.
“Are you okay?” Terri asked. “I mean, with…this? We don’t have to do it. We can wait.”
Emma didn’t want to wait. She loved Terri and she wanted to be with her and she was panicking over nothing. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
“I…think I just need you to get here,” she told Terri. “I just need to see you…that’ll make me okay.”
“Okay,” Terri said. “I’ll be there soon. I love you.”
Emma’s smile grew.
“I love you too,” she said. “Now get over here!”
Emma was standing in the hallway when Terri knocked at the door. She rushed forward, but hesitated before opening it, trying to compose herself. Once she was sure her breathing was under control, she pulled the door open and smiled. Terri smiled back, stepping forward to kiss Emma’s cheek.
“Hey,” she said, pulling back. “You look pretty.”
“So do you,” Emma said, stepping aside to let Terri in.
She closed the door and self consciously straightened her clothing, again questioning her choice not to put on the nice underwear set. Terri looked down at her feet, rubbing the toe of her shoe into the rug. Emma watched her, marvelling, not for the first time, that this girl wanted to be with her. She shook her head, needing to get the insecurities out.
“Could…could you maybe kiss me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. “Or hug me…or…”
She didn’t get to the next ‘or’ because she was immediately wrapped up in Terri’s arms, her lips covered by ones that tasted faintly of mint.
“Are you scared?” Emma asked, stroking Terri’s face with shaking fingers.
“No!” Terri answered, immediately; an automatic defensive response.
“Oh,” Emma’s head drooped, her chin resting on her chest and her hand falling to her side.
Terri sighed and moved forward, kissing the top of Emma’s head.
“I’m terrified,” she whispered. “Because I think you think I’ll be really good at this and I don’t know if I will be and I want to make it good for you.”
Emma looked up to see her own insecurities reflecting back at her through Terri’s eyes. Bizarrely, or perhaps not, it boosted her confidence. To know that she wasn’t alone, that Terri was scared, that Terri wanted it to be good. Terri leaned in and bumped her nose against Emma’s. A gesture Emma had long since recognised as Terri telling her that she was in need of comfort or reassurance.
“We’ll take it slow,” Emma told Terri, pulling her in and holding her tight. “It’s not like we haven’t…done stuff. A-and if it’s not great straight away I think that’s normal…we can keep trying.”
Terri grinned, shaking her head.
“You’re really cute, you know that?” she asked.
Emma blushed and tried to scowl.
“I wasn’t being cute, I was being serious,” she said, poking Terri in the ribs.
“I know,” Terri said, leaning in and lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “That’s what makes it so cute.”
Emma blushed deeper and kissed Terri to stop her from talking. Emma still felt a thrill every time they kissed. Growing up, she’d never really thought she’d be able to be close to anyone that way. She wanted to be. God, did she want to be. She used to watch Ghost and wish that she’d find someone who loved her as much as Sam loved Molly. She imagined that any love affair she had would be similar to that movie; in love but unable to touch, always kept apart by something beyond control. Until she met Terri.
It wasn’t that Terri forced her to face her fears or even that she pushed her to do things she hadn’t done before. With Terri, things just didn’t seem as bad. It makes her wonder if her parents had just tried a little harder when she was younger to get her to do ‘normal’ things, instead of enabling her to stay inside her sterile little bubble, maybe she’d never have developed the condition in the first place. But then, she might not have met Terri.
She drew out of the kiss slowly, nipping at Terri’s lower lip with her teeth. She looked up at her.
“Do you…do you want to go to my room?” she asked. “I mean…I…I want to go to my room. I…would like us to go to my room now.”
Terri nodded.
“Let’s go to your room.”
Part 2
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Date: 2010-12-13 04:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-19 04:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-14 04:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-19 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-20 10:55 am (UTC)I really enjoyed the cheerleading/football game addition and yay for the medical accuracy ;)
However my fav bit (sadly) has nothing to do with me - it's the colouring competition bit. I was laughing and all warm inside. It made me feel melty. Thanks you for that.
Terri’s face softens.
“Well, I don’t know if I agree with that,” she says, affectionately. “As demonstrated by your refusal to choose me as the best colourer when Amber sleeps over.”
Emma laughs, the tension broken. Amber is Emma’s brother’s daughter. They babysit for her occasionally and she always wants to challenge Terri to a colouring contest.
“Sweetie…Amber is four,” Emma says, slowly and deliberately.
“Uh huh,” Terri says, her face completely straight. “And I’m clearly a better colourer…but you still insist on choosing her drawings. Every. Time.”
Every word of that is total win!!!!
I will now go and brave the next part which I suspect will have bits that do not at all make be feel melty.
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Date: 2010-12-20 09:27 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked the colouring bit. As you know, I am completely fluffy at heart, so these melty bits were my favourite bits to write in what is essentially quite an angsty fic. (Well, angsty for me.)