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thegirl20TITLE: Tonight I wanna do some drinkin': Milk
AUTHOR:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
the_girl_20
FANDOM: Rizzoli and Isles
PAIRING: Jane/Maura
SUMMARY: Jane is not a good patient.
RATING: PG-13
WORD COUNT: ~3600
DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em.
SPOILERS: Set somewhere before the start of Season 2
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Part of a series based on this prompt: Jane/Maura, from the first meeting to where they are now (together or on the verge of it, idc) via the drinks they drink (each meeting should have some sort of beverage). Follows Coffee, Wine and Chicken Soup, but comes before Cosmopolitans.
She’d been out of the hospital for two weeks. Two glorious weeks of not having doctors and nurses prodding and poking her every five minutes, sticking objects into places objects shouldn’t ever be stuck into. Why did they need to know the temperature there anyway? Of course, even though she was home, she still had to put up with the constant attention she was getting from well-meaning friends and family. While they were less physically intrusive than the medical staff, for the most part, each and every one of them had an opinion on how she should be acting to aid her recovery.
Her mother, in particular, had taken to hovering over her all the time and tidying things that were already tidy. One day, Jane had exploded pretty much banned her from the apartment. Then Maura had taken Angela into the kitchen where they talked in hushed tones while Jane lay on the couch and seethed at being spoken about behind her back in her own house. But in the end, Angela had left with barely a word of complaint. So whatever Maura had said had been effective. Jane had let her watch a documentary on meerkats that evening by way of saying thank you. Anyway, her mother should be concentrating on Frankie's recovery. Jane had Maura.
Maura. Since regaining consciousness, Jane’s thoughts had been taken up almost exclusively by the M.E. Maura had been there when she’d opened her eyes, holding her hand and smiling and sorta crying and rattling off weird medical data to the nurse that had rushed in. Jane had smiled and squeezed her hand and asked about Frankie. After that, Maura had been with her constantly. It was only later that Jane discovered that Maura hadn’t left her side the whole time she’d been unconscious. She was both pleased and disturbed by that. While she was happy that Maura had wanted to be with her, she wasn’t sure she liked the thought of Maura seeing her so weak, so exposed.
Her brush with death reaffirmed all the old clichés about life being short and grabbing the bull by the balls or whatever. Lying in her hospital bed, she’d decided to actually do something about the obvious sexual tension between herself and Maura. But there had always been something or someone in the way and the longer things had gone on, the less sure Jane had become. It was Maura. Everything had to be perfect. To give herself some breathing space, and to allow herself to be a chicken for just a little bit longer, Jane had decided that she would wait until she was fighting fit again so that she could really sweep Maura off her feet. Literally, if necessary.
So they’d fallen back into their usual way of acting around each other. Well, maybe it wasn’t usual for Maura to sleep at Jane’s apartment every night. And perhaps they sat a little bit closer to each other on the couch than they usually did. And it was possible that when Maura snuggled up against her in bed, Jane accepted it without her usual amount of huffing and complaining about personal space. But Jane put all of that down to both of them being kinda relieved that Jane hadn’t died. And she wasn’t going to complain. Well, she complained about some of the unusual things that had become necessary, but were far less pleasant. Like how Maura had to help her to wash and dress herself. But then Maura would liken her to a squirmy six year old and everything would be okay between them again.
She was currently in the kitchen, thinking about what she could eat that would require minimal preparation. Maura had gone back to work a couple of days previously and wasn’t home yet. Angela had visited in the afternoon which had left Jane feeling tense. Sometimes she felt bad for the way she thought about her mother. But then, if she didn’t insist on tidying things and asking random questions that put Jane on edge, Jane wouldn’t have to have murderous thoughts. So it was her own fault really. Her latest bout of questioning had revolved around Maura and whether or not she and Jane had spoken. What kind of dumb question was that, anyway?
“Really, Ma? You think she just comes home from work, gives me my sponge bath and puts me to bed? Of course we speak.”
Angela had given her that look. The one that made Jane feel five years old. “Jane, that’s not what I meant.”
“Well, you said ‘Have you spoken to Maura?’. My answer is yes, I speak to Maura all the time. I spoke to her on the phone about ten minutes before you got here. She’s having tuna on rye for lunch, in case you were wondering.”
With a sigh that indicated that Jane was being difficult again, Angela tried another approach. “Have you had any...interesting conversations with Maura lately?”
Jane echoed the sigh. “Ma, if there’s something in particular you’re being nosey about, just ask. If there isn’t, can you stop asking dumb questions?”
Things had quickly degenerated from there into an argument about Jane calling her mother dumb and resulted in Angela leaving, yelling over her shoulder that she didn’t know how Maura put up with Jane and that she must have the patience of a saint. Jane didn’t have a chance to come up with a witty response. She blamed the pain medication.
Pop-Tarts. That’s what she wanted to eat. Unfortunately, they were on a shelf that was above chest level which was about Jane’s current reach capability. Looking around, her eyes landed on the high kitchen stools which sat at the counter. Without thinking about it too much, she grabbed one and dragged it to where the Pop-Tarts were. Taking a deep breath, she hiked one knee onto the seat. It caused a twinge of pain, but nothing she couldn’t handle. Another deep breath and she pushed with her other leg in an attempt to get both knees on the seat. And that’s when the pain hit. Searing pain that seemed to rip her body in half. She stumbled backwards, cradling her injury with her hand. She could barely see and she didn’t even try to look at it, just stumbled to the couch, panting and sweating. She was dimly aware of the sound of a key in the lock and then the door opening. She closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable rebuke.
“Jane!”
“I’m fine.” Jane opened her eyes and saw Maura throwing her bag and coat on the floor. Before Jane could say anything further, Maura was on her knees by the couch, her hands pressing against Jane’s wound.
“Are you okay? What happened? You haven’t had pain like this in days.” Maura was holding two fingers to her neck and looking at her watch. Frowning, she returned both hands to cover the entry and exit wounds on Jane’s right side.
“I need to take your shirt off to see if you’re bleeding.”
Something snapped. It probably had more to do with Angela than Maura, but Jane was fed up of being everyone’s patient. She wanted Maura Isles to take her shirt off for any number of reasons, but to check a gaping wound was not one of them. She mustered every ounce of dignity she had and pushed herself into a sitting position, wincing at the pain.
“Stop fussing over me! I’m not a fucking invalid, Maura. I don’t need a nursemaid.”
Maura’s hands fell away from her side and her she bowed her head. Immediately, Jane wanted to take the words back. Then Maura looked back up and Jane almost shrank away from the pain and hurt in her eyes.
“I know you’re not Jane. I’m well aware of your injuries. Every single one of them. I spoke about them in detail to a wide variety of doctors and specialists over the course of your stay in hospital. I know the location every stitch in your body, internal and external. I have intimate knowledge of the procedures that were carried out to repair your organs and to put you back together. I recall every fluctuation in your blood pressure.” Her voice cracked a little on the last word but she swallowed and kept going. “If you think I’m not qualified to give you advice on how best to aid your recovery, that’s fine. I won’t express my concern any more. I’ll just watch while you re-open your wounds and I’ll sit by your bedside, again, while you fight off further infection. Is that agreeable to you?”
Maura was shaking by the time she’d finished speaking. Her face was red and her eyes shining with tears. And Jane felt like the world’s biggest shithead.
“Maura, I...”
But Maura didn’t even wait for her to finish, she just walked out of the room, towards the bathroom. Jane flopped back heavily on the couch. Not because she was in pain, but because her body seemed to have turned to jell-o. Watching Maura walk away, it occurred to Jane that she might just have frightened off the best thing to ever happen to her. She needed to talk to Maura, to apologise, to beg for forgiveness. Jane was in the process of pushing herself up when Maura came back into the room. She picked up the coat and bag she’d discarded earlier and Jane drew in a breath.
“Maura, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. God knows I want to yell at a lot of people most of the time, but not you. Never you.”
Maura said nothing, but hung her coat on the coat rack and placed her bag on the table. Jane almost fainted with relief. Maura walked past her and into the kitchen area. She opened the fridge. Jane watched as she poured two glasses of milk. Then she took out a plate and filled it with Oreos, putting them onto a tray along with the milk. Making her way back to the couch, she sat down next to Jane and placed the tray on the coffee table. Jane was confused, but relieved that Maura hadn’t left. She raised an eyebrow in question.
“Milk and cookies?”
Maura nodded lifted one of the glasses of milk and held it out for Jane to take, a tentative smile in place.
“Your mother told me that you hated being sick when you were little, because you didn’t like to be taken care of. She said the only thing that made you feel better was milk and cookies.”
Jane looked from the glass to Maura’s hopeful face. She broke out in a genuine smile and Maura seemed to start breathing again.
“Thank you.” Jane took the glass of milk. Maura picked up the other glass and settled back on the couch. Jane waited a moment, watching as Maura sipped her drink, before doing the same. Their shoulders were touching as they sat in silence.
“I’m sorry that I said all of that.” Maura’s voice was low and when Jane glanced over at her, she was looking into her milk. “I shouldn’t be making you feel guilty about your injuries. I just...I’m just relieved that you’re okay. I’m sorry.”
Jane put down her glass of milk and gently cupped Maura’s chin, urging her round so that they were looking into each other’s eyes.
“Maura, you have been nothing but patient and caring with me and I’m just acting like an asshole who expects miracles. So don’t you ever apologise for wanting me not to hurt myself. Okay?”
Maura’s own hand came up to cover Jane’s, pressing it more firmly against her cheek. She nodded. “Okay.”
Maybe it was the feel of Maura’s skin against her hand. Or maybe it was the fact that she’d given her milk and cookies. Or maybe Jane had just given up on trying to find the perfect moment. Whatever the reason, it came out.
“I want to date you.”
As confessions of love went, it would not go down in history. Jane wasn’t sure if Maura was elated or horrified. Maybe if she’d listened more when Maura talked about microexpressions. She hurried to continue.
“I...that came out wrong.”
Maura’s eyes widened and Jane had no doubt what her expression meant; it was sheer panic. “So...you don’t want to date me?”
“No! Yes!” Jane inhaled deeply through her nose. “I am totally fucking this up.”
The glass of milk Maura was still holding was in danger of spilling because her hand was shaking so much. Jane took it from her and set it back on the table. She took Maura’s hand in hers.
“Okay, you can tell this wasn’t planned. Even I woulda come up with a grander gesture than spilling my guts over milk and cookies...but that’s not to say that I haven’t wanted to tell you for the longest time...”
Maura’s lower lip was trembling and Jane guessed she wasn’t quite ready to speak yet.
“I wanted to tell you so many times in the hospital, but Ma was always there or I had some doctor with his hands down my shirt, or I was feeling weak as a kitten and literally couldn’t summon up the energy to say the words...but I told myself, I swore to myself that I’d tell you when they finally let me out. And instead I yelled at you and then mumbled some shit about wanting to date you.” Jane took a deep breath, holding Maura’s gaze. “When really what I want to say is that I...that I...”
Jesus, why couldn’t she say it? She felt it. She was almost positive that Maura felt it too. But the damn word wouldn’t come out.
“If it helps, you already told me, Jane.”
That threw Jane for a loop. Maura’s smile was encouraging, but Jane had no idea what she was talking about.
“Huh?”
“You told me you loved me numerous times at the hospital, if that’s what you’re concerned about. Admittedly you weren’t fully compos mentis when you said it. But I believed that you meant it.” Maura squeezed her hand, her eyes shining and her smile bright, giving Jane a nod as if to tell her to speak now.
Unsure what to do with this new information, Jane just stared at the other woman for a moment. Maura’s smile started to dim.
“Unless...unless that’s not what you are trying to say. In which case I’ve potentially embarrassed myself to quite a severe degree and I-.”
Jane rushed to cut Maura off.
“No! That is what I wanna say to you.” She frowned. “I...feel like there’s pressure now. Like I was maybe all suave and poetic when I was out of my head on morphine and this is going to be a disappointment.”
Maura surprised Jane then; she laughed. Jane raised an eyebrow, feeling some of her equilibrium return. “Really? I’m telling you that I’m having a crisis of confidence and you’re laughing at me? Is this how it’s gonna be, Dr Isles?”
Covering her mouth, Maura attempted to get her laughter under control. “Oh, I’m sorry Jane, I don’t mean to laugh at you. But you were not at all suave or poetic under the influence of morphine. One of the times you told me, you were actually drooling.”
Jane closed her eyes. “Not helping, Maura.”
She felt Maura’s hands on her cheeks and opened her eyes to find nothing but affection looking back at her.
“Again, I apologise. I, in no way, meant to increase the amount of pressure you are feeling. I hoped it would lessen it. But perhaps this will.” Once again, Maura took Jane’s hands, squeezing gently. “Each and every time you told me you loved me, I said it back. And if you say it now, I’ll say it back.”
Not for the first time, Jane was struck by how strong Maura really was. This tiny, fragile looking woman constantly amazed Jane with how she came through awful, terrifying experiences and still managed to smile and care and try to make things better for everyone else. And suddenly it felt like the easiest thing in the world to say.
“I love you.”
Maura bit her lip, obviously trying to keep her emotions in check. When she spoke, her voice was rough and near to cracking.
“I love you too, Jane.”
For the first time since she regained consciousness, Jane could feel no pain in any part of her body. She was filled by a lightness she could remember from her childhood, when anything was possible and everything was safe and happy. So, rather than think too deeply about anything, she did the first thing that came to mind. She leaned in and pressed her lips gently against Maura’s. Maura’s hand came up to cup her face and they both smiled into the kiss. Reluctant to pull away, when Jane spoke, it was against Maura’s mouth.
“Did I do that in the hospital? Please tell me I didn’t. I’d like to be conscious for at least some of the important moments in my life.”
Maura laughed and hiccupped and sobbed all at once and Jane, as carefully as she could, gathered her up in her arms and held her. She rocked both of them back and forth and pressed kisses against Maura’s hair and forehead and anywhere else she could reach. When she felt Maura’s tears lessen, she waited for the other woman to move first. Maura didn’t make her wait long. She lifted her head and looked into Jane’s eyes.
“No. You didn’t do that in the hospital.” Jane made a big production out of sighing in relief that made Maura smile. But her expression quickly changed to one of wonder. She stroked Jane’s cheekbone with her thumb and tilted her head.
“That was...that was our first kiss, Jane.”
For a second, Jane thought about teasing Maura about stating the obvious, but it didn’t feel like a time for teasing.
“It was.” Jane was surprised at how shaky her voice sounded. “I...uh...would like to have our second kiss now. Please.”
Maura smiled and leaned in. Jane closed here eyes in anticipation. But instead of Maura’s lips against her own, she felt a kiss being pressed to her cheek. She frowned, until another was pressed to her nose, then her eyebrow. By the time Maura made it to her mouth, Jane was grinning like an idiot and it made the kiss all the sweeter. This time, Jane didn’t let Maura move away. Instead, she pulled her in tightly against her body in a hug. She closed her eyes and concentrated on remembering the perfection of the moment.
Gradually, they moved so that they were sitting side by side, Jane’s arm around Maura’s back, and Maura’s hand on Jane’s leg, her head on Jane’s shoulder. It didn’t seem all that different to any other evening.
Jane’s lips quirked into a smile. “Maur?”
“Hmmm?”
“We’ve been dating for a while, huh?”
She felt Maura laugh a little. “To all intents and purposes, I suppose we have.” She lifted her head and pressed a kiss to Jane’s chin. “But I do enjoy the benefits that accompany the formalisation of our relationship status.”
Jane purred as Maura’s hand moved from her thigh to her belly, rubbing gently as their lips met again, briefly. “Mmmm, me too.” She rubbed her nose against Maura’s. “How long until we…?”
“Until we what?” Maura murmured, clearly far too interested in nipping at Jane’s neck to pick up on her meaning.
“Until we can…you know…until I can exert myself.”
Maura sat up a little so she could look into Jane’s eyes. “You mean until we can have sex?”
Jane rolled her eyes, willing herself not to blush and failing. “Yes, Dr Ruth. Until we can have sex.”
A delighted smile curled Maura’s lips as if Jane had just told her a huge secret. “We can have sex!”
“Now?”
The word came out in a higher register than normal due to surprise. Jane was almost positive that sex with Maura would be highly energetic and would result in a lot of clenching and stretching of parts of her that it currently hurt to clench and stretch. At least, that’s how it always was when she imagined it. Maura was frowning and shaking her head.
“No, not now. You’re still healing and I wouldn’t want to slow that process down. I just meant that, in general, you and I can have sex with each other now. Which wasn’t previously something we did.” Maura looked so incredibly pleased by this that Jane couldn’t help but laugh, making her wince again.
“Anyway,” Maura continued while covering Jane’s hand over her wound. “Despite the fact that we have ostensibly been dating for months, I still expect us to go on an actual date before we sleep together.”
Jane smiled. She liked the sound of that. “You do, huh? Anywhere in particular you’d like to be taken?”
Maura returned her smile and leaned in to bring their lips together in a kiss that was laughably chaste, considering the topic of conversation.
“I know exactly where I would like to go on our first date.”
Smirking, Jane tilted her head. “Okay. Wanna enlighten me? And if it’s something fancy, probably write it down so I spell it right when I google it later?”
Maura just shook her head, she lifted her hand and brushed her thumb across Jane’s lower lip, watching its progress as she did so. She looked back up into Jane’s eyes, still smiling.
“I want you to take me to the zoo.”
AUTHOR:
the_girl_20FANDOM: Rizzoli and Isles
PAIRING: Jane/Maura
SUMMARY: Jane is not a good patient.
RATING: PG-13
WORD COUNT: ~3600
DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em.
SPOILERS: Set somewhere before the start of Season 2
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Part of a series based on this prompt: Jane/Maura, from the first meeting to where they are now (together or on the verge of it, idc) via the drinks they drink (each meeting should have some sort of beverage). Follows Coffee, Wine and Chicken Soup, but comes before Cosmopolitans.
She’d been out of the hospital for two weeks. Two glorious weeks of not having doctors and nurses prodding and poking her every five minutes, sticking objects into places objects shouldn’t ever be stuck into. Why did they need to know the temperature there anyway? Of course, even though she was home, she still had to put up with the constant attention she was getting from well-meaning friends and family. While they were less physically intrusive than the medical staff, for the most part, each and every one of them had an opinion on how she should be acting to aid her recovery.
Her mother, in particular, had taken to hovering over her all the time and tidying things that were already tidy. One day, Jane had exploded pretty much banned her from the apartment. Then Maura had taken Angela into the kitchen where they talked in hushed tones while Jane lay on the couch and seethed at being spoken about behind her back in her own house. But in the end, Angela had left with barely a word of complaint. So whatever Maura had said had been effective. Jane had let her watch a documentary on meerkats that evening by way of saying thank you. Anyway, her mother should be concentrating on Frankie's recovery. Jane had Maura.
Maura. Since regaining consciousness, Jane’s thoughts had been taken up almost exclusively by the M.E. Maura had been there when she’d opened her eyes, holding her hand and smiling and sorta crying and rattling off weird medical data to the nurse that had rushed in. Jane had smiled and squeezed her hand and asked about Frankie. After that, Maura had been with her constantly. It was only later that Jane discovered that Maura hadn’t left her side the whole time she’d been unconscious. She was both pleased and disturbed by that. While she was happy that Maura had wanted to be with her, she wasn’t sure she liked the thought of Maura seeing her so weak, so exposed.
Her brush with death reaffirmed all the old clichés about life being short and grabbing the bull by the balls or whatever. Lying in her hospital bed, she’d decided to actually do something about the obvious sexual tension between herself and Maura. But there had always been something or someone in the way and the longer things had gone on, the less sure Jane had become. It was Maura. Everything had to be perfect. To give herself some breathing space, and to allow herself to be a chicken for just a little bit longer, Jane had decided that she would wait until she was fighting fit again so that she could really sweep Maura off her feet. Literally, if necessary.
So they’d fallen back into their usual way of acting around each other. Well, maybe it wasn’t usual for Maura to sleep at Jane’s apartment every night. And perhaps they sat a little bit closer to each other on the couch than they usually did. And it was possible that when Maura snuggled up against her in bed, Jane accepted it without her usual amount of huffing and complaining about personal space. But Jane put all of that down to both of them being kinda relieved that Jane hadn’t died. And she wasn’t going to complain. Well, she complained about some of the unusual things that had become necessary, but were far less pleasant. Like how Maura had to help her to wash and dress herself. But then Maura would liken her to a squirmy six year old and everything would be okay between them again.
She was currently in the kitchen, thinking about what she could eat that would require minimal preparation. Maura had gone back to work a couple of days previously and wasn’t home yet. Angela had visited in the afternoon which had left Jane feeling tense. Sometimes she felt bad for the way she thought about her mother. But then, if she didn’t insist on tidying things and asking random questions that put Jane on edge, Jane wouldn’t have to have murderous thoughts. So it was her own fault really. Her latest bout of questioning had revolved around Maura and whether or not she and Jane had spoken. What kind of dumb question was that, anyway?
“Really, Ma? You think she just comes home from work, gives me my sponge bath and puts me to bed? Of course we speak.”
Angela had given her that look. The one that made Jane feel five years old. “Jane, that’s not what I meant.”
“Well, you said ‘Have you spoken to Maura?’. My answer is yes, I speak to Maura all the time. I spoke to her on the phone about ten minutes before you got here. She’s having tuna on rye for lunch, in case you were wondering.”
With a sigh that indicated that Jane was being difficult again, Angela tried another approach. “Have you had any...interesting conversations with Maura lately?”
Jane echoed the sigh. “Ma, if there’s something in particular you’re being nosey about, just ask. If there isn’t, can you stop asking dumb questions?”
Things had quickly degenerated from there into an argument about Jane calling her mother dumb and resulted in Angela leaving, yelling over her shoulder that she didn’t know how Maura put up with Jane and that she must have the patience of a saint. Jane didn’t have a chance to come up with a witty response. She blamed the pain medication.
Pop-Tarts. That’s what she wanted to eat. Unfortunately, they were on a shelf that was above chest level which was about Jane’s current reach capability. Looking around, her eyes landed on the high kitchen stools which sat at the counter. Without thinking about it too much, she grabbed one and dragged it to where the Pop-Tarts were. Taking a deep breath, she hiked one knee onto the seat. It caused a twinge of pain, but nothing she couldn’t handle. Another deep breath and she pushed with her other leg in an attempt to get both knees on the seat. And that’s when the pain hit. Searing pain that seemed to rip her body in half. She stumbled backwards, cradling her injury with her hand. She could barely see and she didn’t even try to look at it, just stumbled to the couch, panting and sweating. She was dimly aware of the sound of a key in the lock and then the door opening. She closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable rebuke.
“Jane!”
“I’m fine.” Jane opened her eyes and saw Maura throwing her bag and coat on the floor. Before Jane could say anything further, Maura was on her knees by the couch, her hands pressing against Jane’s wound.
“Are you okay? What happened? You haven’t had pain like this in days.” Maura was holding two fingers to her neck and looking at her watch. Frowning, she returned both hands to cover the entry and exit wounds on Jane’s right side.
“I need to take your shirt off to see if you’re bleeding.”
Something snapped. It probably had more to do with Angela than Maura, but Jane was fed up of being everyone’s patient. She wanted Maura Isles to take her shirt off for any number of reasons, but to check a gaping wound was not one of them. She mustered every ounce of dignity she had and pushed herself into a sitting position, wincing at the pain.
“Stop fussing over me! I’m not a fucking invalid, Maura. I don’t need a nursemaid.”
Maura’s hands fell away from her side and her she bowed her head. Immediately, Jane wanted to take the words back. Then Maura looked back up and Jane almost shrank away from the pain and hurt in her eyes.
“I know you’re not Jane. I’m well aware of your injuries. Every single one of them. I spoke about them in detail to a wide variety of doctors and specialists over the course of your stay in hospital. I know the location every stitch in your body, internal and external. I have intimate knowledge of the procedures that were carried out to repair your organs and to put you back together. I recall every fluctuation in your blood pressure.” Her voice cracked a little on the last word but she swallowed and kept going. “If you think I’m not qualified to give you advice on how best to aid your recovery, that’s fine. I won’t express my concern any more. I’ll just watch while you re-open your wounds and I’ll sit by your bedside, again, while you fight off further infection. Is that agreeable to you?”
Maura was shaking by the time she’d finished speaking. Her face was red and her eyes shining with tears. And Jane felt like the world’s biggest shithead.
“Maura, I...”
But Maura didn’t even wait for her to finish, she just walked out of the room, towards the bathroom. Jane flopped back heavily on the couch. Not because she was in pain, but because her body seemed to have turned to jell-o. Watching Maura walk away, it occurred to Jane that she might just have frightened off the best thing to ever happen to her. She needed to talk to Maura, to apologise, to beg for forgiveness. Jane was in the process of pushing herself up when Maura came back into the room. She picked up the coat and bag she’d discarded earlier and Jane drew in a breath.
“Maura, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. God knows I want to yell at a lot of people most of the time, but not you. Never you.”
Maura said nothing, but hung her coat on the coat rack and placed her bag on the table. Jane almost fainted with relief. Maura walked past her and into the kitchen area. She opened the fridge. Jane watched as she poured two glasses of milk. Then she took out a plate and filled it with Oreos, putting them onto a tray along with the milk. Making her way back to the couch, she sat down next to Jane and placed the tray on the coffee table. Jane was confused, but relieved that Maura hadn’t left. She raised an eyebrow in question.
“Milk and cookies?”
Maura nodded lifted one of the glasses of milk and held it out for Jane to take, a tentative smile in place.
“Your mother told me that you hated being sick when you were little, because you didn’t like to be taken care of. She said the only thing that made you feel better was milk and cookies.”
Jane looked from the glass to Maura’s hopeful face. She broke out in a genuine smile and Maura seemed to start breathing again.
“Thank you.” Jane took the glass of milk. Maura picked up the other glass and settled back on the couch. Jane waited a moment, watching as Maura sipped her drink, before doing the same. Their shoulders were touching as they sat in silence.
“I’m sorry that I said all of that.” Maura’s voice was low and when Jane glanced over at her, she was looking into her milk. “I shouldn’t be making you feel guilty about your injuries. I just...I’m just relieved that you’re okay. I’m sorry.”
Jane put down her glass of milk and gently cupped Maura’s chin, urging her round so that they were looking into each other’s eyes.
“Maura, you have been nothing but patient and caring with me and I’m just acting like an asshole who expects miracles. So don’t you ever apologise for wanting me not to hurt myself. Okay?”
Maura’s own hand came up to cover Jane’s, pressing it more firmly against her cheek. She nodded. “Okay.”
Maybe it was the feel of Maura’s skin against her hand. Or maybe it was the fact that she’d given her milk and cookies. Or maybe Jane had just given up on trying to find the perfect moment. Whatever the reason, it came out.
“I want to date you.”
As confessions of love went, it would not go down in history. Jane wasn’t sure if Maura was elated or horrified. Maybe if she’d listened more when Maura talked about microexpressions. She hurried to continue.
“I...that came out wrong.”
Maura’s eyes widened and Jane had no doubt what her expression meant; it was sheer panic. “So...you don’t want to date me?”
“No! Yes!” Jane inhaled deeply through her nose. “I am totally fucking this up.”
The glass of milk Maura was still holding was in danger of spilling because her hand was shaking so much. Jane took it from her and set it back on the table. She took Maura’s hand in hers.
“Okay, you can tell this wasn’t planned. Even I woulda come up with a grander gesture than spilling my guts over milk and cookies...but that’s not to say that I haven’t wanted to tell you for the longest time...”
Maura’s lower lip was trembling and Jane guessed she wasn’t quite ready to speak yet.
“I wanted to tell you so many times in the hospital, but Ma was always there or I had some doctor with his hands down my shirt, or I was feeling weak as a kitten and literally couldn’t summon up the energy to say the words...but I told myself, I swore to myself that I’d tell you when they finally let me out. And instead I yelled at you and then mumbled some shit about wanting to date you.” Jane took a deep breath, holding Maura’s gaze. “When really what I want to say is that I...that I...”
Jesus, why couldn’t she say it? She felt it. She was almost positive that Maura felt it too. But the damn word wouldn’t come out.
“If it helps, you already told me, Jane.”
That threw Jane for a loop. Maura’s smile was encouraging, but Jane had no idea what she was talking about.
“Huh?”
“You told me you loved me numerous times at the hospital, if that’s what you’re concerned about. Admittedly you weren’t fully compos mentis when you said it. But I believed that you meant it.” Maura squeezed her hand, her eyes shining and her smile bright, giving Jane a nod as if to tell her to speak now.
Unsure what to do with this new information, Jane just stared at the other woman for a moment. Maura’s smile started to dim.
“Unless...unless that’s not what you are trying to say. In which case I’ve potentially embarrassed myself to quite a severe degree and I-.”
Jane rushed to cut Maura off.
“No! That is what I wanna say to you.” She frowned. “I...feel like there’s pressure now. Like I was maybe all suave and poetic when I was out of my head on morphine and this is going to be a disappointment.”
Maura surprised Jane then; she laughed. Jane raised an eyebrow, feeling some of her equilibrium return. “Really? I’m telling you that I’m having a crisis of confidence and you’re laughing at me? Is this how it’s gonna be, Dr Isles?”
Covering her mouth, Maura attempted to get her laughter under control. “Oh, I’m sorry Jane, I don’t mean to laugh at you. But you were not at all suave or poetic under the influence of morphine. One of the times you told me, you were actually drooling.”
Jane closed her eyes. “Not helping, Maura.”
She felt Maura’s hands on her cheeks and opened her eyes to find nothing but affection looking back at her.
“Again, I apologise. I, in no way, meant to increase the amount of pressure you are feeling. I hoped it would lessen it. But perhaps this will.” Once again, Maura took Jane’s hands, squeezing gently. “Each and every time you told me you loved me, I said it back. And if you say it now, I’ll say it back.”
Not for the first time, Jane was struck by how strong Maura really was. This tiny, fragile looking woman constantly amazed Jane with how she came through awful, terrifying experiences and still managed to smile and care and try to make things better for everyone else. And suddenly it felt like the easiest thing in the world to say.
“I love you.”
Maura bit her lip, obviously trying to keep her emotions in check. When she spoke, her voice was rough and near to cracking.
“I love you too, Jane.”
For the first time since she regained consciousness, Jane could feel no pain in any part of her body. She was filled by a lightness she could remember from her childhood, when anything was possible and everything was safe and happy. So, rather than think too deeply about anything, she did the first thing that came to mind. She leaned in and pressed her lips gently against Maura’s. Maura’s hand came up to cup her face and they both smiled into the kiss. Reluctant to pull away, when Jane spoke, it was against Maura’s mouth.
“Did I do that in the hospital? Please tell me I didn’t. I’d like to be conscious for at least some of the important moments in my life.”
Maura laughed and hiccupped and sobbed all at once and Jane, as carefully as she could, gathered her up in her arms and held her. She rocked both of them back and forth and pressed kisses against Maura’s hair and forehead and anywhere else she could reach. When she felt Maura’s tears lessen, she waited for the other woman to move first. Maura didn’t make her wait long. She lifted her head and looked into Jane’s eyes.
“No. You didn’t do that in the hospital.” Jane made a big production out of sighing in relief that made Maura smile. But her expression quickly changed to one of wonder. She stroked Jane’s cheekbone with her thumb and tilted her head.
“That was...that was our first kiss, Jane.”
For a second, Jane thought about teasing Maura about stating the obvious, but it didn’t feel like a time for teasing.
“It was.” Jane was surprised at how shaky her voice sounded. “I...uh...would like to have our second kiss now. Please.”
Maura smiled and leaned in. Jane closed here eyes in anticipation. But instead of Maura’s lips against her own, she felt a kiss being pressed to her cheek. She frowned, until another was pressed to her nose, then her eyebrow. By the time Maura made it to her mouth, Jane was grinning like an idiot and it made the kiss all the sweeter. This time, Jane didn’t let Maura move away. Instead, she pulled her in tightly against her body in a hug. She closed her eyes and concentrated on remembering the perfection of the moment.
Gradually, they moved so that they were sitting side by side, Jane’s arm around Maura’s back, and Maura’s hand on Jane’s leg, her head on Jane’s shoulder. It didn’t seem all that different to any other evening.
Jane’s lips quirked into a smile. “Maur?”
“Hmmm?”
“We’ve been dating for a while, huh?”
She felt Maura laugh a little. “To all intents and purposes, I suppose we have.” She lifted her head and pressed a kiss to Jane’s chin. “But I do enjoy the benefits that accompany the formalisation of our relationship status.”
Jane purred as Maura’s hand moved from her thigh to her belly, rubbing gently as their lips met again, briefly. “Mmmm, me too.” She rubbed her nose against Maura’s. “How long until we…?”
“Until we what?” Maura murmured, clearly far too interested in nipping at Jane’s neck to pick up on her meaning.
“Until we can…you know…until I can exert myself.”
Maura sat up a little so she could look into Jane’s eyes. “You mean until we can have sex?”
Jane rolled her eyes, willing herself not to blush and failing. “Yes, Dr Ruth. Until we can have sex.”
A delighted smile curled Maura’s lips as if Jane had just told her a huge secret. “We can have sex!”
“Now?”
The word came out in a higher register than normal due to surprise. Jane was almost positive that sex with Maura would be highly energetic and would result in a lot of clenching and stretching of parts of her that it currently hurt to clench and stretch. At least, that’s how it always was when she imagined it. Maura was frowning and shaking her head.
“No, not now. You’re still healing and I wouldn’t want to slow that process down. I just meant that, in general, you and I can have sex with each other now. Which wasn’t previously something we did.” Maura looked so incredibly pleased by this that Jane couldn’t help but laugh, making her wince again.
“Anyway,” Maura continued while covering Jane’s hand over her wound. “Despite the fact that we have ostensibly been dating for months, I still expect us to go on an actual date before we sleep together.”
Jane smiled. She liked the sound of that. “You do, huh? Anywhere in particular you’d like to be taken?”
Maura returned her smile and leaned in to bring their lips together in a kiss that was laughably chaste, considering the topic of conversation.
“I know exactly where I would like to go on our first date.”
Smirking, Jane tilted her head. “Okay. Wanna enlighten me? And if it’s something fancy, probably write it down so I spell it right when I google it later?”
Maura just shook her head, she lifted her hand and brushed her thumb across Jane’s lower lip, watching its progress as she did so. She looked back up into Jane’s eyes, still smiling.
“I want you to take me to the zoo.”